Sexy Devil Luffy
by DuncanIdaho2014
Summary: Watch as Luffy conquers the Grand Line with the most powerful force known to Man, with his faithful, 'loving' crew. Not your typical 'different fruit' story.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1: Birth of a Destiny, or Just a Really, Really Freaky Change

Luffy turned his back on Shanks, feeling as disappointed as any 7-year-old can possibly feel. Those stupid mountain bandits had made Shanks look like a fool, and the red-haired pirate had _just let them_. Then he had the audacity to laugh about it!

There was no doubt in Luffy's mind that his hero was ten times the man that dumb Higuma was. So why hadn't Shanks pounded them into the ground?! 'Not worth getting worked up' he said? Those were a coward's words! Luffy grit his teeth and tried not to cry, because men didn't cry. And just because Shanks decided to act weak, that didn't mean HE would.

His tummy gave a little grumble. Luffy always got hungry when he was upset. Looking around for the nearest source of food not soaked in alcohol (it WAS a bar after all), the boy spotted a very strange fruit sitting in a tiny chest. Shrugging, Luffy reached out his tiny hands to grab it.

It really was the oddest food he'd ever seen. It was shaped kind of like a pineapple, only instead of spines there were round bumps like Luffy had seen on the raspberries that grew up in the mountains. Each little bump had a tiny little nub rising out of the center, kind of like the two weird brown spots Luffy had on his chest. The leaves sticking out the top started out thin, but flared out and rounded at the end. It was more than one color, being a pink-red at the edges and darkening to a reddish-purple at the center. It also smelled weird, almost like dirty laundry but with some spicy-sweet undertones that made it appetizing.

Luffy shrugged. When you're hungry, eat.

The first bite made his eyes water. It was incredibly bitter, almost intolerably so. However, there was an almost soapy aftertaste that somehow balanced it, and it seemed to make his whole body tingle when he swallowed. Not sure if he liked it, Luffy took a second bite.

"Pigging out as usual, Luffy?" Shanks asked from the floor next to him.

"Shut up," Luffy said around his full mouth. The fruit tasted completely different this time. It was sort of salty, but also sweet and heady and a little sticky, like a licorice-flavored lollipop on a hot day. It still made him tingly, so he decided to try a third bite.

Luffy was just sorting out the pungent sour, meaty flavor of the mysterious changing fruit when Shanks shouted "Oi, Luffy! What is that you're eating?"

Luffy turned to face Shanks, now standing and looking very tall even if Luffy was sitting on a bar stool. His eyes were wide open and the scars over his eye were stretched tight by his barred teeth. The boy had never seen his idol look so angry, and he swallowed in nervousness, taking the third big bite with it.

"Did you eat the fruit that was in that chest?!"

Luffy could barely look guilty before Shanks grabbed his legs. The next thing he knew, he was hanging upside-down and the man he thought was his friend was shaking him like a maraca.

"Spit it up, Luffy! Every bit of it! Throw up that fruit you just ate!"

If he wasn't so dizzy he couldn't see straight, Luffy would have sworn that Shanks sounded scared.

Suddenly the tingling from the fruit turned into a burning. Not an 'it's-so-hot-outside' burning. It was a 'find-a-bucket-or-just-put-me-out-of-my-misery' burning. Luffy felt like someone had just set him on fire. He screamed as loud as he could, as much in surprise at the suddenness as from the pain itself. Shanks' grip on his ankles vanished and Luffy fell to the ground. He curled up into a ball, whimpering with each flare of searing agony. It was indescribable, impossible, and unbearable. He had NEVER in his entire life felt so much pain.

Luffy was aware of people around him, voices shouting, but he didn't care. He couldn't remember who they were. He couldn't remember his own name. There was only the fire. All he wanted was for the fire to go out. Or to die. Whichever was easier.

27 seconds that lasted an eternity later, the heat vanished.

Luffy gasped. His eyes felt funny, and he realized he was crying. His whole body felt weak, hollow. He felt sorta hungry, but his tummy was full. And there was just the faintest tickle of that weird tingling still on his skin.

Luffy looked up from his little ball into the concerned faces of the Red Hair Pirates. Almost all of them flinched back. Ben's eyes widened and his pipe fell out of his mouth. Lucky swallowed. Yasopp slapped himself. Makino covered her mouth. And Shanks fell to his knees, a look of horror on his face.

Luffy was confused. Why were they all acting so weird? Luffy sniffed to suck up some snot, and froze. The air smelled like the fruit, musky and rich and sweaty and tasty. There were other smells in there, chocolate and flowers and lime and sake and vanilla and pine and smoke and too many others to name, but underneath it all was that not-quite-dirty-laundry smell of the fruit.

Luffy sat up and took a deep breath this time. The air smelled the same, but now he could tell that each 'extra' smell was coming off a specific person. The strongest was the blend of fresh straw and good alcohol coming off Shanks. As Luffy breathed in that delicious aroma, he felt the not-hunger somewhere a bit lower than his belly quiver, but not really demand appeasement. It was like it was too small to demand feeding just yet.

"What just happened?" the boy asked. He quirked his head. Did his voice sound different? Sure it was hoarse from his screaming, but it almost sounded like his was singing.

Shanks gulped, then seemed to compose himself. He spoke in a tone that suggested he was really very angry but trying hard to sound calm. "That fruit was one of the Devil's Fruits, Luffy. You have one of the powers of the Devil now, but you'll never be able to swim again."

Luffy shivered. So that burning had been because of the Devil. No wonder it had felt like hell. "What kind of power?" he asked. If he was never going to be able to paddle at the beach again, he wanted to know what he'd gotten out of the deal.

Shanks suddenly looked uncomfortable. He blushed and started looking anywhere but Luffy.

"Um… well… that fruit was called the, uh… Fuck-Fuck Fruit" he practically spat out.

Luffy frowned. "Fuck? Isn't that when people make babies or something? How is that a power?"

Luffy hardly remembered and understood even less of the hour-long lecture he'd gotten from Gramps last year when he asked why boys and girls were different, but that word had popped up once or twice. To be fair, the old man had been pretty drunk when Luffy asked him.

Shanks blushed even more. His talking got even more weird. "Um, kinda. F-from what we heard, when… people, uh, _want_ you in a, uh, a grown-up kind of way, you'll be able to, uh, do s-s-stuff to them… you know what? Why don't I just write down everything I know and you can read it in, say, ten years?"

Luffy shrugged. Shanks was acting too weird to understand anyway. The boy stood up, noticing that all the pirates seemed to jerk when they got a good look at him. They were even weirder.

Luffy started to feel guilty. He obviously shouldn't have eaten the fruit, and he'd worried Shanks a lot. Luffy didn't want his idol to feel bad. Even if he let those stupid bandits go without a fight. Luffy walked over to the still-kneeling Shanks and gave him a hug. "Sorry, Shanks. I did a bad thing."

The man stiffened. Hesitantly, he patted Luffy on the back. "That's okay, Anchor. You're still my friend." Luffy wondered why Shanks was the one that sounded guilty. He felt something tap his leg just as that wonderful fresh musk coming off of Shanks seemed to get even stronger and the little tingle turned into a buzzing. Luffy started to get dizzy it was so good, and he pressed his nose into Shanks's neck to get even closer to that mouth-watering scent coming off his skin. The thing pressing against his leg got stronger.

All of a sudden, Shanks yanked himself out of Luffy's arms. He crab-walked to the other side of the bar in seconds. He looked like he might be sick. "Well Luffy, that's enough excitement for one day. Makino, take him home."

Luffy was confused. Did he do something else wrong? Maybe it had to do with his weird new power. He tried to remember more of the strange talk from Gramps as Makino guided him across the village to the tiny house the two of them shared since Gramps asked her to look after him.

A drunken old man's ramblings, a small boy's lack of understanding, and a year for the memories to fade did not make for a clear bed of knowledge. Still, Luffy managed to remember some key points by the time the sun came down. 1. Men had mushrooms and balls of gold, and women had a weird hole and bouncy chests. 2. Sometimes men's' mushrooms got long and hard and they could stick it in women's' holes and plant some kind of baby seed. 3. For some odd reason sticking it in was supposed to feel good for both, but a man were supposed to pull out before the seed came out if he wasn't married to the woman. 4. Boys and girls couldn't do this; they had to wait until they walked through some 'magical door' called Puberty when they got older.

Luffy pounded his fist into his palm. That must be it! Shanks felt bad because Luffy made his mushroom get hard and Luffy hadn't gone through Puberty yet. But, how had he made it get hard? And weren't men only supposed to get hard for women? Wait, Shanks said "people" would want him in a grown-up way. As in women _and_ men? How did that work?

Whatever, it was all too confusing. Luffy would wait for Shanks to explain it all.

Makino was very quiet, as usual, while she made dinner for the two of them. Now that Luffy wasn't thinking so hard, he noticed that she smelled nice too. She smelled much cleaner and sweeter than all the men had, but there was still that little musky sweat smell like the fruit, along with the 'extra' smell of honeysuckle.

After dinner, Makino filled the tub for him. Like Shanks, she seemed to blush a little whenever she looked right at Luffy, and she seemed to get out of the bathroom extra fast.

Wondering if the fruit had done more than just mess with his nose, Luffy climbed up to the top of the sink to look at himself in the mirror.

For a second, he wondered if Makino had switched the mirror with one of those trick ones. About the only thing Luffy recognized from the last time he'd looked at his reflection was his hair color and tan skin.

His hair was really shiny and looked really soft, not rough like it had always been. It was still messy, but almost like it was on purpose, managing to frame his face while still looking unique. His face was less round, more 'heart-shaped' like Makino's. His eyebrows and eyelashes were suddenly much cleaner and, well, prettier. His nose looked was much more like a button then he remembered, and his lips had never been that color or shape. And the scar he'd gotten from proving how tough he was to Shanks was gone.

There was a painting in the Mayor's house of an angel saving a shipwrecked sailor. Luffy looked prettier than the angel. If he hadn't looked down his pants, he would have wondered if the fruit had made him a girl.

Well, this was going to take some getting used to.

XXXXXXXXXXX

Luffy got stamped in the stomach and tried very hard not to puke.

Just minutes ago, he had been sitting in Party's Bar listening to those bandits from yesterday call Shanks a coward. They'd just been tossing around increasingly vile insults, while the stupid leader just smiled that stupid grin acting like he'd taken down an Admiral. Finally, Luffy couldn't take it anymore. He'd called out the bandits on being a bunch of puffed-up bullies and told them in no uncertain terms that Shanks and his crew were ten times the men they would ever be.

This led to getting dragged outside and now literally being under Higuma's boot. No matter how hard Luffy tried to the big man, nothing happened. He didn't even flinch. His 'pistol punches' were good for nothing.

"Now, why did you have to go and ruin our fun time?" he asked with his oily voice.

"You were bad-mouthing Shanks. Take it back!"

"What's the big deal? It's not like we were insulting you."

"Trash like you doesn't deserve to even look at Shanks! Apologize, you stupid gorilla!"

The smug grin turned into a sneer and the bandit leader increased the pressure on Luffy's chest, cutting off his air. "Normally, I'd kill anyone that pissed me off this much. But you're a pretty cute one. I can think of a few people that would pay _very_ handsomely for a toy that looked like you."

"Oi, Boss. Can't we play with him first? Kids always have the tightest holes." One of the largest, hairiest bandits asked this, a truly disgusting look in his eyes as he looked at Luffy.

Luffy got a sick feeling. He had a feeling this guy didn't care that he hadn't gone through Puberty yet. Looking around, Luffy saw the same ugly look in a few of the other bandits' eyes, and only sadistic glee in the rest. These men didn't care if he got hurt, hell they _wanted_ to get hurt. And they smelled terrible. There was none of the sweetness or heat that made Shanks and Makino pleasant. There was only sweat and dirt and copper tang of blood, all laced with some rancid odor like sour milk or rotting meat. The Red Hair Pirates had smelled good enough to eat. These bandits made Luffy want to gag.

"He'll be worth more as a virgin," Higuma said, as if commenting on a piece of meat at the butcher's.

"I'll give up my share. He really is a sweet little thing," the hairy bandit offered, actually starting to drool.

Luffy struggled even harder, but for all the effect he had he might as well have stayed still. Higuma didn't even notice his little fists pounding on his legs. And for the first time Luffy felt the hopeless feeling only felt when something evil wants to do bad things to you and you find yourself powerless to stop it. He might not know exactly what they were going to do, but he knew it would hurt. And he couldn't do a damn thing about it.

Higuma considered the condition. "Fine, but you only get one round."

"That's fine with me," the ugly bandit said. He started to walk toward the writhing Luffy, an obvious tent in his trousers. Luffy looked at it with dread. So that was what happened when mushrooms got hard. The boy had absolutely no desire to see what it looked like.

Just as the monster was about to fish it out, an elderly voice cried out "Stop! Please, leave the poor child alone!"

Everyone in the square turned to face Woop Slap, the mayor of Fuusha Village. By his side was an out-of-breath Makino, gazing at Luffy with terror in her eyes.

"I don't know what this boy has done to offend you, and I don't really care. Just please leave him alone." The mayor got to his knees and prostrated. "If it's money you wish, you may have as much as you want. Just leave the boy unharmed."

"Mayor," Luffy whispered. There was barely any musk to the old man's scent, only the sweet refreshing bite of peppermint. The boy had thought he only got on the old man's nerves, and here he was begging for his safety.

Higuma chuckled. "The older generation always seems to know how the world works. Unfortunately for you, this brat pissed me off. And I very much doubt you could offer half the money I'd get for selling him to the auctions in Goa."

"Wait! Please!" the mayor cried, getting up from his bow.

"So this is where everybody went."

Everyone turned to find the entirety of the Red Hair Pirates assembled in a line, blocking off any escape for anyone in the square. Shanks himself stood just behind Makino and Woop Slap, his eyes ice cold even as he smiled pleasantly.

"Well, if it isn't the janitor. Shouldn't you be polishing windows or something?" Higuma taunted. The man who would become a Yonko completely ignored him.

"Oi, Luffy. I thought your punches were as strong as a pistol!"

"Shut up!" the boy called back, now feeling embarrassed at being so weak. All fear had completely vanished upon Shanks's arrival.

Shanks chuckled before focusing on Higuma. His fake grin vanished. "Listen here, you stupid bandits. You can laugh at me, throw food at me, even spit at me, and I'll just laugh it off. But if you lay one finger on a friend of mine, you better be prepared for the consequences!"

The man wearing a straw hat began to walk forward, only for a bandit to appear at his side with a pistol aimed at his head.

The man was unfazed by the typical bullshit that poured out the pathetic idiot's mouth. "Now that you've drawn that pistol, are you prepared to risk your life?"

"Huh?"

"Guns are for action, not threats."

The potential accessory to child molestation had his brains blown out by Lucky Roo, who fired the pistol while taking a bite from his ever-present leg of meat.

The bandits started shouting and yelling about 'dirty tricks'.

"What did you expect? We are pirates after all," Shanks stated calmly.

The full force of the Higuma Mountain Bandits charged at the Red Hair Pirates. Where they were soundly beaten with minimal effort by the first mate alone. The man didn't even break a sweat.

Higuma was staring to panic. "Hey, hey, come on, he's just a brat, no need to get so worked up!"

"Don't you have a bounty on your head?"

Luffy was silently marveling at how awesome Shanks was when he was suddenly choking on smoke. There was a sudden sensation of movement while rough arms dragged him by the throat, making it even harder to breathe. By the time the tears cleared from his eyes, Luffy found himself being held up by the cuff of his shirt on a rowboat already out of sight of the island.

"Ha, ha, ha! Those dumb pirates would never guess that a mountain bandit would run out to sea! Now I just have to circle around to the other side and you'll be off my hands!"

"You stupid, shitty, stinky bandit! Let me go!"

Higuma grabbed Luffy's jaw, jerking his head to face him. "If I were you, I'd learn to follow orders. This time tomorrow, you'll be a slave."

Luffy's answer was to bite down on the man's fingers.

"Ow! You know what, just die!" With that, Higuma tossed the boy into the ocean.

Luffy felt like someone had poked a hole in him and drained out all his energy. He barely had the strength to flail in the water. 'I really can't swim anymore!' Luffy struggled for breath, trying not to drown. So consumed was he that he didn't even notice when the local Sea King ate Higuma whole. Not until it started to charge right at him. That he did notice.

He didn't even have the breath to scream.

Suddenly a strong arm wrapped around him and jerked him to the side. A voice as cold as ice muttered "Get lost". Luffy looked up to see Shanks, minus one crucial part. The boy started to cry.

The man looked down at the boy smiling. "Come now, there's no need to cry. I heard from Makino how you stood up for us. If you're so brave, why are you crying?"

"BECAUSE OF YOUR ARM!" Luffy screamed through his tears. The reason Shanks was holding him with only one arm was because the other was gone. It was torn off past the elbow into a bloody mess, the work of the monster that had almost eaten Luffy.

The man didn't even seem fazed. "It's okay. It's just one arm. It was worth it to save a friend."

Luffy cried harder. Shanks had done so much for him. He'd saved his life, and he was so good. So strong, so pure, so kind.

"I love you, Shanks."

Shanks gasped as Luffy looked up into his eyes, letting him see how true the words were. The man seemed frozen as Luffy stared into his warm eyes. Suddenly Luffy's body tingled as strongly as when he ate the fruit. Moving on instincts he didn't know he had, Luffy reached up and pulled his hero into a kiss.

Fireworks seemed to explode in Luffy's stomach as he moved his new, young lips against Shanks's rough, unmoving ones. The tingling became warm, not as hot as the fire, but enough to heat Luffy up like he had a fever. Energy seemed to buzz throughout Luffy, originating from that point of contact between their bodies. And, barely aware of what he was doing, Luffy willed that energy into Shanks.

Shanks seemed locked in place, unable to pull away as Luffy used his Devil's Fruit for the first time. The man's ruined arm started to twitch, until a new one grew out of the stump. The skin was pink and raw, the fingernails not yet grown, the muscles nonexistent, but it was an arm, whole and attached to Shanks.

Luffy ended the contact and smiled into the shocked face of his first love before collapsing into unconsciousness.

XXXXXXXXXXX

The day had finally come when the Red Hair Pirates left Fuusha Village. Their captain, hiding his infant arm in a sling, watched his crew load the ship with pride. Beside him stood the young boy that had gifted him the limb using one of the most taboo powers of the Devil.

"Do you really have to go?" the boy asked.

"Yes. We've enjoyed using this place as a base, but we can't afford to stay still for too long. We are pirates after all. I hope you don't mind that I can't take you with us."

More meanings than one were conveyed with that statement.

"I understand," the boy said with a sigh. "Anyway, I wouldn't say yes if you offered. I've decided I'm going to form my own crew why I become a pirate."

Shanks turned to stick his tongue out at the boy. "Like a little elf like you could be a pirate captain. You're too pretty to get into a fight!"

Luffy felt his temper explode at the insult to both his size and capacity to knock someone's teeth in. "Shut up! I'll grow up to be super strong and form an awesome crew even better than yours! Then we're going to go to the Grand Line and find One Piece! I'm going to be the Pirate King!"

The words seemed to echo in the air.

Shanks smiled before plucking the hat off his head. "You're going to be the Pirate King, huh?" He placed the hat on the shocked Luffy's head. "Then take care of this hat for me. It's my most precious possession. I expect you to return it to me someday, as a legendary pirate."

The boy nodded, silent tears streaming down his face.

Shanks reached into his pocket and pulled out a thick roll of parchment. "As promised, here' everything I know about your fruit and what it can do. I want you to swear to me that you won't use it until you're at least 13. This fruit is very dangerous Luffy, not just to others but to yourself as well. I want you to promise you'll be careful with it."

"I promise," the boy said as he took the roll.

And so Luffy watched as the man who had taught him the most important lesson sailed away, the symbols of two promises clutched in his arms.

XXXXXXXXXXX

A decade passed at its own slow, meandering pace. It had its ups and its downs, its miracles and its heartbreaks. And Luffy grew with it. He learned, explored, trained, experimented, tried, failed, and tried again. He made bonds, and learned the pain of when they are cut. And he never lost sight of his goal. Until in time the ignorant, angelic boy had become a dauntless, heartbreaking man.

Luffy hugged Makino good-bye before hopping into the boat that would take him out into the world for a lifetime of adventure. As he turned back to wave to the villagers that had come to wish him farewell, he was met with a wave of sighs and love declarations. He giggled before blowing a kiss, sending more than half the crowd into a shrieking mess.

Luffy was truly a sight to see. The straw hat he never was without rested comfortably on his head, giving him a kind of farm boy charm. His hair was artfully tousled, as rich and vibrant as onyx, and hung just long enough to make him look exotic. He had a face that looked like it had been carved from warm, smooth marble by God Himself, and a body that any model of either sex would sell their soul for. A sleeveless red vest a size too small framed his torso, held together by just one button, offering tantalizing glances at his abs and chest, and an unimpeded view of his tan, corded arms. Jean shorts that looked glued on showed off his long legs, shapely rear, and made it very clear that he wasn't wearing underwear.

Luffy was, without a single doubt in the minds of anyone who saw him, the most beautiful man in the world, and possibly the most beautiful period. Gay or straight, man or woman or in-between, he was capable of wrapping anyone around his finger. By no means a virgin, and magnificently lacking in any kind of preference, he had comforted the lonely, eased the scared and confused into adulthood, and lured more than one evil soul into a trap they had never seen coming.

Suffice to say he left his mark.

Dropping the sail and beginning to move, Luffy waved goodbye and called out, with the voice of a particularly melodic angel, "Adieu, my dears! I pray we meet again someday!"

"WE'LL MISS YOU, LUFFY-KUN!" came the thunderous reply.

Luffy chuckled, before turning to face the open sea. Out of nowhere, the Sea King that proved itself a nuisance time and again reared up out of the water. Screams of terror sounded from the crowd. The future Pirate King merely looked up into the face of a monster before pouting radiantly.

"You weren't thinking of hurting little old me… were you?"

Hearts replaced the beast's eyes. The besotted overgrown eel leaned down and sniffed deeply of Luffy's bewitching scent. The man himself reached out and gave the nose a couple pats, making the creature wiggle in delight.

"This is for almost laming Shanks."

Luffy's other hand rocketed toward the Sea King's jaw in a vicious uppercut. The comically shocked predator was lifted right out of the water and sent flying into the distance. Luffy blew at his slightly smoking knuckles and turned to face the stunned crowd.

"Never be fooled by a pretty face! You never know what might be hiding behind it!"

And so, amid another round of cheers and marriage proposals, Monkey D. Luffy set out to sea.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2: The Gift of Confidence

It was a perfect day for sailing. The sky was clear, the sun was shining, and the winds were steady and strong. The passengers of a high-class ship danced and mingled and ate overpriced tidbits, unaware that they harbored a certain orange-haired stowaway. The sailors lounged about on deck, bored out of their minds as was common on the seas. The unlucky one assigned to the watch tried not to fall asleep at his post, while two of his companions lounged at the railing, staring at a nearby whirlpool for lack of anything better to do.

"Oi! Look down there!" shouted one of them.

The other followed the man's eyes to see a body floating on a piece of flotsam. It was floating right next to the ship, invisible unless you looked right down. The most noticeable thing about it was the straw hat resting on its head.

"Man overboard!" was the automatic response.

"Poor guy. Must have got hit by that whirlpool."

"Well, let's check to see if he's still alive."

After a few tries (they weren't Marines or anything), the two managed to toss a hook and catch on the survivor's pants. With a little effort, the sailors brought the body up and laid it down on the deck. Whereupon they began to have _very_ naughty thoughts.

"Wow," whispered the thin one, unable to tear his eyes away from the soaking wet vision of beauty.

"Is that a man or a woman?" asked the larger one, who hadn't looked past the most perfect face he'd found in his life.

"It's a man. Do you really care?" responded the first, his eyes drifting to the impressive bulge at the front of the jeans.

"Guess not," agreed the second with little fuss, "but shouldn't we, you know, make sure he is still breathing?"

The first jerked himself out of his trance. "Yeah, we should. Otherwise this would be really awkward."

Before the two had the chance to confirm they weren't ogling a corpse, a cry came from the crow's nest. "Pirates! Pirate ship sighted to port! It's Alvida and her gang!"

The two nameless grunts started to panic. "Shit! What do we do?"

"I'll go warn the captain! You hide him somewhere belowdecks!"

"Okay!"

That said, the faster of the two sprinted for the ballroom while his stronger pal hefted the limp beauty, dashed to the deserted galley, and laid him down in an out-of-the-way corner.

"Hope those rotten pirates don't find you, pal. I hate to think what they'd do to a gem like you."

The young man responded by letting out the cutest snore the sailor ever heard, both proving he was alive and drawing the sailor even more under his spell. Let it henceforth and forever be known that Luffy wasn't boasting when he once said he could charm someone in his sleep.

While our protagonist enjoyed an exhausted nap, the ship started bustling like coup full of headless chickens. The captain was utterly incapable of restoring order to the panicking guests, and the inexperienced crew could do little more than trip in sync as the approaching pirate ship let loose its warning shots and pulled up alongside them.

On deck, the horde of seafaring thieves prepared their weapons while waiting for orders from their captain. Said captain being quite possible the most unattractive women ever to sail the East Blue. Wider than she was tall, dressed in tacky clothing, and cursed with a terrible complexion, Alvida had a face that only a half-blind mother could love after a few drinks. However, she herself was under the delusion that she was in fact quite beautiful. It was a fantasy reinforced by the fact that she killed anyone who disagreed with her massive spiked club.

Case in point:

"Men, who's the most beautiful on the seas?"

"ALVIDA-SAMA!"

"That's right! Now go forth and show them why we are a feared pirate crew!"

With a roar, the pirates leapt from their rather feminine ship in order to raid the cruise ship. Alvida smiled sadistically as she watched her underlings do what they did best, before she noticed someone had stayed on deck: the spineless jellyfish press-ganged into the crew two years ago.

"Coby!"

"Ah! Y-yes, Alvida-sama?" asked the clearly terrified boy. With pink hair, large glasses, and a small build, Coby was anything but intimidating. He trembled visibly as his captain marched on him.

"What are you still doing over here? Go over to that ship or face the iron club!"

"W-w-well, the thing is," Coby stuttered out, his brain frozen when faced with the promise of pain.

"I said get over there!" So saying, Alvida punted the screaming tween to the other ship. The adolescent barely had time to gather his wits before avoiding getting crushed by Alvida as she made her own leap. Heart pumping at almost getting crushed by the equivalent of a baby whale, Coby swiftly made his way down into the ship, looking for the quietest place he could find.

"Anyone there?" he called out timidly as he opened the door to the galley. Seeing it was empty, the involuntary chore boy made his way inside. "If I don't bring anything back, I'll get the club. Maybe there's a wine barrel or something around here." Coby had just started his search when a snort came from behind him.

Falling to the floor in surprise, Coby twisted around to see someone sleeping in the corner by the door, unnoticeable upon first entering. And as Coby took a second look, he realized it wasn't just any someone.

Almost hidden under an old but well-cared for straw hat was a face that belonged on angels and mermaids and other creatures of legend. The tight red vest showed off and concealed equally the kind of body Coby had only seen in statues of heroes of old. Yet despite the obvious masculine build, there was something lithe and graceful, almost curvy about the line of the legs and slenderness of the hips that made the sleeping man androgynous. Despite the fact he had always thought he liked just girls, the rosette was interested.

Coby found himself crawling forward, eager to get a closer look at the enchanting being before him. Hesitantly, he reached out to touch that bronze skin and found it smooth and hairless. He jerked his finger back almost immediately, but the beautiful male went on snoring.

Coby, still dazed, started to shake his head to try and get back his sense. 'Get real; he wouldn't be interested in a shrimp like you. The important thing is to make sure those savages don't find him.' While relatively tame for pirates, it wasn't unheard of for the Alvida crew to take hostages and take advantage of them. So long as the rapists assured Alvida she was prettier, the obese woman could care less what her crew did to the unlucky women and occasional man.

Before Coby could work out the nicest way to wake the straw-hat-wearing siren, three of the pirates who most often enjoyed such 'perks' walked into the room.

"Coby, what are doing in here? Not trying to hide away are ya?"

"N-n-no, o-of course not. I-I-I w-was j-j-j-"

"Hey, who's that behind you?"

Coby could only watch in horror as he was pushed aside and the three who were less than men started to grin in lust at the slumbering Adonis.

"Well, if this isn't just the prettiest little doll we've ever found."

"I-I was just checking him for valuables," Coby offered in a desperate bid to dissuade them. "But he's broke, so we don't might as well j-just leave him alone, right?"

The largest pirate glanced at Coby skeptically. "You're kidding right? We're gonna have a lot of fun with this one. Go find some rope to tie him up."

Coby remained frozen in self-loathing, too scared to stand up to these men. Not that any of the men noticed since all their eyes were busy undressing their next victim.

"You know what, screw it. We can have first dibs. As long as no one talks, none of the other guys can get too pissed. That won't be a problem, will it Coby?"

Coby felt bile rise in his throat as one of them pulled a knife and glared menacingly at the chore boy. With all his heart Coby wished to stand up to these guys and stop them from violating this poor man, but two years of enduring pain and humiliation had taught him to always look out for number one. And the simple fact was that he had no chance against these guys. He'd have nightmares about this, but he already knew he couldn't and wouldn't do anything to stop what was about to happen.

The biggest was already unbuckling his belt. He was just leaning down to drag his latest victim's pants off when the apparently sleeping man clenched a fist and drove it into the rapist's face. The shocked man was sent flying across the room and left an imprint in the wall. Coby and the two pirates gaped as the 'sleeper' opened his eyes and stood up and straightened his jeans.

"It's very rude to sneak up on someone when they're sleeping," he said, his tone light and cheery. "And it's even ruder to touch someone without their permission. I hope this teaches you to be a good boy."

The pirates seemed to recover themselves and drew their swords, cornering the man in the corner. "Bastard, you're going to pay for that!"

Coby closed his eyes, unable to watch.

Sounds of flesh hitting flesh filled the air, but no yells of pain. Coby slowly peeked only to have his jaw drop in disbelief.

The man stood in exactly the same position as before, a little pout on his perfect lips. The two pirates were on the ground, staring at the shattered remains of their swords.

"Now, that's not very nice. I'm not against a little knife play, but you guys haven't even bought me dinner! Who taught you two manners?"

Unable to deal with the dramatic shift in events, the two rushed to their downed comrade in crime and all but flew out of the room, leaving Coby alone with the stranger.

"Who… who are you?" the shocked boy asked.

"Me? Monkey D. Luffy! So, you know where I can find some food, cutie? I'm a little hungry after all that excitement."

Coby gulped, suddenly feeling very warm after being called 'cutie'.

Luffy grinned as the boy who couldn't be more than 12 or 13 blushed. He smelled really weak, but there was a hint of potential beneath the cinnamon-and-bubblegum scent that was just starting to carry the musk of adulthood. Give the kid a few years of hard work and some self-esteem and he'd be quite the catch.

Luffy focused on the never-ceasing tingle of his aura and tuned it as low as he could. No need for the kid to be too flustered.

The Will of D's scion's stomach gave an obnoxious rumble, ending the awkward moment. Snapping out of his thoughts, Coby led Luffy to the nearest pantry, making sure to lock the door behind them. Not that Luffy noticed, too busy sniffing out his two favorites.

"We should be safe in here," Coby muttered, before turning to face Luffy salivating over an opened crate of fresh strawberries and a block of white chocolate the size of the man's head. Again displaying ridiculous strength, Luffy smashed the block with his fist, breaking it into hundreds of small chunks. Almost before they settled on the ground, Luffy started to shove two or three of them into his mouth for every juicy berry. The red streaks only made the man's luscious lips look darker, and the sticky white crumbs gave Coby entirely the wrong idea.

Taking a break from his gluttony, Luffy turned to face Coby. Licking his lips to clean them, he asked "So, mind telling me your name and where we are?"

Jerking his eyes away from that tongue, and finding it marginally easier than earlier to not get distracted for some reason, the chore boy answered "I'm Coby. This is a ship getting raided by the Alvida Pirates. But why wouldn't you know that?"

Luffy shrugged. "I got surprised by some whirlpool and my ship got destroyed. I got lucky and found some wreckage to float on. I guess someone fished me out and put me in that galley." Ignoring the gob smacked look on Coby's face, Luffy went on. "So, are you a pirate? Those jerks from earlier seemed to know you."

Coby looked down. "Not exactly." He explained how he'd boarded a boat taking Alvida and her gang back to their ship by accident two years ago. Under pain of death, he'd been forced to work as a chore boy.

"You must be pretty dumb not to notice that the boat was full of pirates," Luffy stated bluntly.

"You don't have to say it like that," the boy whined.

"Saying it nicer wouldn't change the truth. You failed to pay attention to your surroundings and got sucked into a bad situation. And the fact you're here two years later alive and well means you never tried to escape. From what I can tell, you're meek, easily frightened, and you never stand up for yourself. You're honestly kind of pathetic, darling."

Coby seemed to shrink a little under that. "You're right. I don't deny it."

"Well at least you can admit to it. If you denied then you'd really be hopeless." Now finished with his dessert/snack, Luffy stood up. "Well, I better look for a boat. I can't exactly walk to One Piece."

"O-o-o-one Piece?" Coby asked incredulously. "Then, Luffy-kun is a pirate?" The boy didn't even seem to notice how familiar he was being.

"Yup."

"He's going to the Grand Line?!"

"Most likely."

"He wants to become the Pirate King?"

"More than anything!"

"Impossible!" Coby shouted. "The last Pirate King was Gold Roger: the man for whom wealth, fame, power, and everything else this world had to offer was in easy reach. In the twenty-two years since his execution, every pirate in the world has been looking for the legendary treasure One Piece!"

"And I'm going to be the one to find it!" Luffy grinned.

"Impossible! How can Luffy-kun succeed where so many have failed? There's no way any one can conquer the Grand Line like Roger did! In this Great Age of Pirates, there is no way for one to stand on top. Impossible! Impossible! Impossible!"

Luffy slapped his hand over Coby's mouth, cutting off his rant.

"It's not about whether or not it's impossible." Luffy reached up to rub the brim of his hat. "I promised someone very dear to me that I would become the Pirate King. Even if I die without fulfilling my promise, the fact I tried will be enough for me."

Coby felt his heart stop. Luffy's eyes were ablaze with determination and pride. He almost seemed to glow, and the passion transformed him from merely extremely beautiful into something truly magnificent. Coby felt like he was getting a glimpse at divinity.

"Well, time to leave. Who does a guy have to flirt with to get a boat around here?"

Coby remained frozen. Never had he seen such bottomless confidence. To give your life for your dream…

"Hey."

Luffy turned to face Coby.

"Do you think I could do the same? Commit myself to a goal like that?"

"Doesn't matter what I think. You have to decide that for yourself."

"You know, I always wanted to be a Marine. I wanted to catch bad guys and save the day. But I never had the courage. Could I do it after so many years as a coward?"

Luffy made a noncommittal noise, but Coby was working himself up into frenzy.

"That's it. I'll leave this ship and become a Marine! I'll go after scum like Alvida. No, I'll catch Alvida myself and-"

"And what, Coby?" asked the pirate in question, after smashing through the roof.

Coby froze. Alvida looked from the quivering boy to the man that had terrified her crew. One look was enough to send her into a jealousy she had rarely ever felt. For the crime of looking better than her, this man had to die. It was as simple as that.

Needing a small boost to her confidence, she asked her chore boy "Coby, who's the most beautiful on all the seas?"

"T-t-that would be…" Coby seemed hesitant to answer for some reason.

"Who's this unfortunate virgin bitch?" asked the unfazed Luffy.

Everyone in hearing range froze. Luffy was a dead man.

Her face flushed with anger, her eyes reduced to blank white holes in rage, Alvida swung her club with all her might at the man who dared to insult her… only to miss by a mile as he moved so fast he blurred, grabbing Coby and jumping up through the opening she had made onto the deck.

"Stay here, Coby," the smiling man said before turning to face the clearly nervous crew. Noticing at least the hint of a blush on each of their faces, Luffy decided to make this quick.

With sure, sensual movements, Luffy reached up to unbutton his vest. Once it snapped free, the man's glorious torso became fully visible. Reaching up one hand to tease one lovely brown nipple while the other caressed his navel, the man looked at the Alvida Pirates with smoldering eyes and said one word. "Tantalize."

An invisible wave of energy seemed to expand out from the posing tempter. With every man it hit, with the exception of Coby, their eyes were replaced with pink hearts while they began to sport some obvious wood.

"So hot!"

"God I want to tap that."

"Hey, I get to do him first!"

"No, I do!"

In an instant, all the pirates broke out into a riot, each wanting to be the first to touch Luffy. The man in question simply buttoned up his vest again, a look of amusement on his face. Coby could only stare in shock. 'What did he just do? He's gorgeous, but that doesn't explain them going crazy!'

Alvida was just climbing up out of the pantry when a pirate that had been hidden on the deck behind Luffy leapt at the man. Already exposed and drooling something fierce, the man shouted "Give me that ass!"

Quick as a snake, Luffy turned and grabbed the man by his throat, stopping him in his tracks. For the first time, the bronze pirate actually looked angry. He looked right into the struggling man's eyes before stating with cool indifference "You're my least favorite type of guy." That said, Luffy leaned forward to capture the man's lips in a kiss.

Coby watched with wide eyes as the harasser stiffened like he received an electric shock. In the space of seconds, his body wrinkled and withered while his hair went white as snow. By the time Luffy pulled back, a sated look in his eyes, the man was little more than a mummy. He let the body go, turning to face the apprehensive face of Alvida.

"You're no ordinary man. And you're definitely not that bounty hunter Roronoa. What are you?"

"Me? I'm a Sexyman. I ate the Fuck-Fuck Fruit and got the power to manipulate sexual energy."

"A Devil's Fruit, huh? I thought those were just legends."

"Well, it's really rare to find them in this part of the world."

"Indeed," Alvida said. "But I hope you understand why I have to kill you."

"Because I played your crew like puppets or because you're an envious hag who never got over everyone calling you ugly when you were a little girl?"

A tic-mark appeared on her forehead. "I'll show you. Coby! Who's the most beautiful on all the seas?"

Coby remained silent, looking between the woman who had tormented him for two long years and the man who showed him another way in life without even trying. Making his choice then and there, Coby turned to face his now ex-captain. "The most beautiful on all the seas is Luffy-kun! He's hotter and stronger and kinder than a fat old hag like you could ever hope to be!"

Luffy blushed and look away. "Aw, you charmer you. Flattery will get you everywhere, Coby-kun."

Mad with rage, Alvida raised her club to smash Coby into the ground. And though the boy started trembling like a leaf in a hurricane, he had no regrets. 'I finally stood up for myself! That's all that matters!'

The club that actually weighed a full metric ton was stopped in its tracks by one hand from Luffy. Gazing down with shock into the smiling face of the future Pirate King, Alvida had one second to capture the face of the first man to defy her.

"You know, if you cut back on the dessert and took some anger management classes, you actually wouldn't be that bad a catch. Oh, well. Time to send you flying, bad girl. Punishment!" With that, Luffy's glowing fist buried itself in Alvida's gut. In an instant she was knocked so far away that she left a twinkling star, club and all.

Shaking his smoking fist, Luffy turned to grin at Coby. The boy could only weakly grin back. Turning to face the still fighting crew, Luffy spoke up. "Boys! Get me a boat. I got to get Coby to the nearest Marine Base so he can enlist!"

"Right away," the bewitched peons responded.

Just as they were swinging the boat out, cannon fire erupted in the air. The Marines had shown up just after the nick of time.

"Well, it would be a bad first impression to meet them like this. Want to run away and try again later?" Luffy asked.

"T-that would probably be best," Coby answered.

The two leapt into the prepared rowboat, landing in a mess of spray. Luffy caught a brief glimpse of a young woman in her own boat, her eyes wide in surprise, before Coby started showing the fruits of hard labor and managed to row them out of sight in practically no time.

While Coby caught his breath, Luffy leaned forward to place a gentle kiss to the boy's forehead. The soon-to-be-Marine stiffened as a tingling sense of warmth suffused his body, centered around the two silky lips on his face and every man's favorite organ.

"What was that?" Coby asked when Luffy pulled away.

"Just my way of saying thank you. I used the leftovers from that guy on the boat to strengthen your aura. Don't be surprised if in a few years everyone is calling you a natural." The saucy grin left little doubt in Coby's mind as to what the straw hat pirate was referring.

While Coby fought down his blush, Luffy asked "So, who was that Roronoa that Alvida was talking about?"

Coby shivered. "Roronoa Zoro, the Pirate Hunter. He is a ruthless swordsman, and the one of the strongest bounty hunters in East Blue. He will do anything to get his bounty. Last I heard, the Marines had captured him."

Luffy hummed. "Sounds pretty strong. I wonder if he'll consider joining my crew."

Coby gaped. "He's a pirate _hunter_! Why on earth would become a pirate?"

"I'll ask nicely. If he's a good guy."

"He's been locked up because he's a bad guy! It's impossible! Impossible, impossible, impossible!"

"You really like that word, don't you?"

A/N: Rest assured, the hot sweaty porn starts from next chapter on. I just had to spend a little time establishing the character. Hope you guys don't mind!


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3: Discovery and Consummation of a Mate

Despite Coby's best efforts, he was unable to talk Luffy out of his crazy idea by the time they docked at the nearest island.

"Wow, you managed to get us all the way here! You're a pretty good navigator."

"No. You're just a pretty bad one. How can you not know how to find your way at sea?"

"Never needed to. I always seem to find my way somehow."

Coby shook his head. While breathtaking and oddly wise, Luffy was proving to be severely lacking in some essential skills.

They caused quite a stir as they walked toward the Marine Base, Luffy to make his first recruiting attempt and Coby to fulfill his dream. Everyone who spent more than a second looking at Luffy began to swoon.

"So you're sure this Zoro guy is in that base?" Luffy asked Coby while taking an offered apple from a woman. Upon uttering the name, everyone on the street started to freak out, hugging the walls to try and get as far away from Luffy as possible.

"Yes, but I'd keep quiet about that. Apparently his name is taboo around here."

Luffy shrugged and took a bite of the apple, walking past the odd crowd to more normal passerby. "So who managed to catch this guy if he's so strong?"

"I'm not sure, but I heard that this base is run by Captain Morgan. He's pretty strong."

Oddly enough, the mention of Morgan got the same reaction as Zoro. Luffy shrugged while Coby got an uncomfortable feeling in his stomach as they made their way past the frightened townsfolk.

"That's odd. Why would the people be as scared of Captain Morgan as of Zoro?"

"Maybe he's a bad guy," Luffy offered.

"Impossible! He's a Marine Captain! He's a good guy!"

"What kind of person you are and what you do have nothing to do with each other. There can be good pirates and bad marines. The world's not black and white; that'd be too easy."

Coby remained silent on that point.

The two reached the gates to the Marine Base, which was a huge complex dominated by three large towers and surrounded by a high wall. Coby started to get a little choked up, coming so close to his lifelong dream. He began to tearfully thank Luffy for all his help only to notice the man had vanished from his side.

"Hmm, now if I were a captured bounty hunter, where would I be?" Luffy asked from his position on top of the wall.

"Get down from there! He wouldn't be out here anyway! He's probably in a dungeon below the base."

"I smell someone strong that way. I'll go check over there."

Coby ran after Luffy as the pirate jumped down and went along the wall. When he jumped back up, Coby scrambled up after him. He was about to scold his newest friend when he caught sight of the man tied to a post in the courtyard. Then he froze in fear.

The man had his arms and waist tied to the wood, leaving his legs sticking out and putting all his body weight on his shoulders in what must have been an excruciating position. He was as tan as Luffy, his skin covered in a combination of dust and blood from an assortment of untended cuts and bruises. His head was down, covered by a dark green bandana that didn't completely hide hair the color of fresh spring grass. He was dressed in the rags of a tight white t-shirt, black pants, boots, and a green haramaki. The many holes offered glances at hard, tight muscle sweaty with the heat.

"Just as he was described! It really is Roronoa Zoro!" Coby turned to Luffy to warn him not to be noticed only to gape at the look on the older guy's face. His eyes were practically sparkling with admiration while he breathed heavy with an undeniably hungry grin.

"Damn, but he's fine. And he smells amazing. I'm _definitely_ getting him to join my crew now!"

While Coby could only marvel at how insane his companion was being, a ladder impacted the wall to their left. Turning, Coby was faced with a small girl holding her finger to her lips in an unmistakable sign for 'shh'. Then she hopped over the wall and began to approach Zoro with a wrapped bundle in her hands.

While Coby started freaking out, convinced the girl was going to die from being so close to such a dangerous man, the man in question looked up. His face was sharp and angular, his eyes chilling in their intensity. This was a hunter, no doubt about it.

"Hello!" the girl said with innocent cheer. "I thought you'd be hungry, so I brought you some onigiri!"

"Beat it, kid," Zoro said in a husky tenor.

"But I worked really hard! It was my first time ever cooking, but I tried my very best!"

"I don't care! Now get out of here!"

"How rude," Coby commented, watching the little girl's face fall.

"So you're picking on kids now, Roronoa?"

Everyone turned to face the newcomer. With blond hair in a bowl cut and the deepest cleft in a chin to be found in the world, the young man was dressed very fashionably in a suit and flanked by two marines. Luffy wrinkled his nose at the sickly-sweet smell coming off him. This guy was spoiled rotten, no doubt about it.

The man proceeded to throw what can only be described as a hissy fit. Snatching the onigiri right from the little girl, despite her protests, only to spit it out and then crush both into the ground, loudly complaining about their terrible flavor. When the little girl tried protest, the jerk arrogantly pulled out a piece of paper and spelled out, rather patronizingly, that she could be killed for trying to help a captured criminal. After enjoying her look of terror, the brat ordered his escort to toss her over the wall. When the man hesitated, the blonde got right in his face and all but whined that he'd "tell daddy" if the man didn't do what he said.

Coby could only watch in horror as the Marine picked up the girl and threw her clear over the wall. This wasn't how Marines were supposed to act! How could such a cruel, evil little man be in a position of power?

Luffy meanwhile leapt to catch the girl. It was a rough landing, but the man seemed unaffected, accepting the girl's thanks with a bright smile.

"So, you managed to last this long, Roronoa. I must confess I never thought you'd make it this long," the jerk with the nasally voice drawled.

"I said I'd last the month, and I always keep my word. Just nine more days."

"Yeah, yeah," the man waved dismissively, leaving Zoro to his imprisonment.

The swordsman sighed, trying to ignore both the terrible ache in his entire back and the physically painful sensation of hunger. The things he did for people. Looking up, Zoro was surprised to find another unexpected visitor. Quite unexpected.

Luffy smiled pleasantly, hands resting on his hips as he turned his Aura as high up as it went. The perfume of cut straw and sunshine permeated the air while his skin started to glisten, making every dip and line in his lean, wiry muscles very noticeable. Zoro gave a very obvious gulp.

"You know, you didn't have to be so mean to the little girl. If you wanted to protect her, you could have just warned her."

Trying and failing to not be dazzled by the dreamy man before him, Zoro gruffly said "Yeah, well I got an image to maintain." Right after this, his stomach gave a rather pathetic grumble. Eyeing the rice crushed into the dirt, Zoro asked "Say, would you mind giving me those?"

"If you're sure about it," the stranger answered, picking up the ruined onigiri and tossing them into Zoro's open mouth.

Hunger temporarily appeased, even if he had to choke down some of the rougher clumps, Zoro looked up into the curious eyes of his handsome visitor. "Tell the little girl they were delicious. Now who the hell are you?"

"I'm Monkey D. Luffy, the most unconventional pirate you'll ever meet. Want to be my nakama?"

Zoro jerked his mind his mind away from places it shouldn't go, trying to ignore the second hunger that was growing steadily harder to resist the longer he was in this stranger's presence. "No way. I haven't quite given up on life just yet."

"Now that's just prejudiced. You don't know the first thing about me. For all you know, I'm a pirate who goes around beating up scum Marines like the ones that put you here."

Zoro scoffed. "That wasn't the Marines. That was that dumb Helmeppo, Captain Morgan's son. I made him a bet I could last a month tied to this post without food. 21 days and counting."

"So we'll just keep those onigiri our little secret then." Luffy shivered. "Wow, I can't imagine going that long with my hands tied up. I can barely go a day without some kind of release. How do you handle that? How do you even go the bathroom like this?"

"It's not a problem." 'At least not until you showed up,' Zoro mentally added, now uncomfortably aware of the tightness of his fundoshi and the ache in his balls. "And don't ask."

"How about after you win this bet? Will you join my crew then?"

"I told you, I'm not going to be a pirate! I've got my own goals, and piracy isn't in the cards."

Luffy leaned forward with an interested look in his eyes, getting right into Zoro's personal space. Zoro found it impossible to look anywhere but the pirate's stunning face. "What are these goals? Tell me and I can tell you how you can still achieve them if you sail with me."

Zoro's mouth got dry in a way that had nothing to do with the heat. He found the words coming out before he could remind his befuddled brain he shouldn't. "I swore on the memory of my rival that I would become the greatest swordsman in the world. Since she can't compete with me anymore, I owe it to both of us to become the best."

Luffy grinned. "What a coincidence. It's my goal to become the Pirate King. It would be embarrassing if my swordsman was anything less than the world's best."

"Y-you're crazy," Zoro sputtered, cursing how rattled he sounded. His every thought was being wiped out by the sweet smell of this man's breath, leaving only flesh crying out for contact and comfort.

Luffy leaned in to whisper in Zoro's ear, his voice as smooth and sinful as the brush of a silk scarf across naked skin as his body molded itself to Zoro's like it was made for the greenhead alone. "Become my nakama, Zoro. Help me reach my dream, and I'll make sure you never regret it. I will never abandon you, never let you come to despair, and I will not rest until you stand unchallenged as the greatest swordsman the world has ever seen. Give me everything, Zoro, and I will do the same in turn."

Zoro was speechless. His heart pounded like he was in a battle to the death, his lungs unable to get enough air from the air. He was painfully aware of every hard plane and smooth curve of the unearthly body pressed against his. His hips jerked against the ropes restraining them as he tried to press his aching erection against the heavenly warmth kept away by only a few scant layers of cloth. He had _never_ wanted anyone as badly as he did the confusing, mouthwatering, ludicrous, amazing pirate in front of him.

A chuckle that would be better suited to a dark room under warm covers sounded in Zoro's ear. "I can see you need a little time to think about it. So take this as a taste of all we could do for each other."

And with that, Luffy pulled back, cradled Zoro's head in his arms, and pressed their lips together.

'Oh. My. God.' Zoro had died. He had died and some spirit had taken pity on him and delivered him to Heaven instead of Hell. For this could be nothing less than paradise. The touch of Luffy's lips on his was searing, scorching. Sweet, indescribably soft lips claimed his mouth with a hunger and desire that took his breath away. So much want was behind that kiss that Zoro felt like a god, like someone strong and masculine and worthy of such naked, ravenous lust. Fire raced through his veins, a need too strong to be contained to just his loins. Millions of images raced through his mind, of Luffy and him naked and writhing and connected in every way possible. He could not care less who was in charge or who was in whom. All he wanted was to vanish into the heat and pleasure and strength of this man and become a glorious _one_. He hardly noticed or cared that his pleasure peaked from the touch of Luffy's lips alone.

It could have been seconds or years later, but eventually Luffy pulled away. Zoro stretched his neck to prolong the contact, his arms straining against their bonds, wanting nothing more than to grab hold of this beautiful creature and never let go. One kiss and he was lost.

Luffy was gasping like he'd just run around the island. He regained his breath before smiling angelically into the longing eyes of Zoro. "I'll be back soon. Think about my offer."

With that, Luffy turned and left, leaving a swordsman to consider some radical career paths and deal with an uncomfortable stickiness in his pants.

XXXXXXXXXXX

"Really? He ate it all?"

"Yup. And he told me to tell you they were delicious!"

The little girl named Rika lit up in happiness at how well her gift had been received. She and the two men had retreated to the steps outside her mother's restaurant. Coby had a hard time looking at Luffy, having spied exactly how the 'discussion' with Zoro had gone. He had a sudden wish that he was a few years older so that Luffy would do that kind of stuff to him.

Trying to think clean thoughts, Coby started reflecting "I'm starting to think that Zoro is as much a villain as the Marines say he is."

"He's not!" Rika stated vehemently. "It's all that stupid Helmeppo's fault. Everyone's scared of making Captain Morgan mad, so he gets away with whatever he wants. Three weeks ago, he brought his pet wolf into Mama's restaurant. Rika tried to stop it from eating all our food. It would have bit me if Zoro didn't save me. Then Helmeppo said he'd have us all imprisoned or killed if Zoro didn't agree to that stupid bet."

Coby felt like the world had been knocked askew. "If the son's that much of a jerk, it makes you wonder how terrible this Captain Morgan must be. I guess being a Marine doesn't automatically make you a good guy."

"Told you," Luffy said.

The three made their way inside to eat lunch. Rika's mother was happy to serve her daughter's new friends for free, probably helped along by the older one's compliments to her looks. As they ate, Luffy glanced toward the back of the bar. He could have sworn that he'd seen the same woman he'd glimpsed when Coby and he had made their escape. But there was no one there.

Just as they were finishing, who other than Helmeppo came in. After demanding that he and his escort eat for free, he put his feet up on his table and started to loudly brag about all the possessions their tributes had bought for him. The most anyone did was clench their fist; they were too terrified of retribution.

"Oh, and here's some exciting news," Helmeppo added after describing his newest painting. "I've decided that Roronoa guy isn't dying fast enough, so I'm going to have him executed in three days! You're welcome to come watch!"

The blonde brat started to laugh obnoxiously, which was mercifully cut short by Luffy dashing from his seat to deliver a stinging slap to his cheek.

Luffy had nothing but scorn on his face as he looked down at the whimpering bully. "Scum like you isn't worth the dust on Zoro's boots. I actually feel sorry for trash like you that has to go through life clinging to the feet of people stronger than you to get by."

"How dare you?!" Helmeppo shouted. "You hit me! Do you have any idea who my father is?"

"I know. I just don't give a damn. Zoro's going to be my nakama. I'll beat up you, your father, and anyone else that tries to kill him without giving him a chance to fight."

Helmeppo shivered at the seriousness in his attacker's eyes. It wasn't a threat, but a promise. With all the maturity of a two-year-old, the blonde fled to the base to tell on the guy who hit him to his daddy. Luffy followed sedately after him, off to save his first nakama.

XXXXXXXXXXX

After Zoro's head had cleared from his and Luffy's kiss, he started seriously contemplating the sexy man's offer. His initial protest that being a pirate would interfere with his dream was deemed false. Mihawk had been a pirate after all, before accepting work for the Government. And if that kiss was anything to go by, being a nakama to the man with the straw hat carried quite a few perks with it.

The biggest issue he'd been able to find was the question of others. Would Zoro have Luffy all to himself, or would he just be one among many, vying for attention from his 'master'? Zoro found the very idea repugnant. He started meditating to calm himself down.

Oddly enough, Zoro felt better than he had in weeks. The tension that had turned his whole body into one giant cramp waiting to happen was now all but gone. His hunger felt much more manageable, in a way that the onigiri alone couldn't account for. And in general, Zoro just felt more alive and alert. It was like he'd been tied for 3 days, not 3 weeks.

Before he could ponder that too long, the object of his earlier musings appeared before him.

"So, you been thinking Zoro-kun?"

Zoro looked at Luffy's face and tried very hard not to dissolve into putty like he had earlier. It was hard; every cell in his body was begging him to do whatever it took to feel the man's ambrosial warmth again. "I have. Mostly about how embarrassingly short I lasted."

Luffy made a waving gesture like this was inconsequential. "That's nothing. You went a long time without relief and everything I do is ten times as potent as what someone else can manage."

"That's quite the claim," Zoro said.

"No, it's a fact," Luffy answered, sure without sounding arrogant or conceited. "I'm not like most guys, Zoro-kun."

"Drop the 'kun' thing. Just call me Zoro."

"Sure."

Zoro took a moment to gather his thought before bringing up the biggest obstacle to his just blurting out 'take me I'm yours'. "I got one question before I say yes. Am I going to be something special to you, or just another notch in your belt? I mean, it's not like you can treat every member of your crew the same as you promised to me."

Luffy quirked his head. "That's always confused me."

"What?"

"Talk like that, as if love were some finite resource to be horded. I assure you that I can love you more than my own life, and I also plan to do the same for every one of my nakama. We just met Zoro, and I already have very strong feelings for you. I can see myself falling for you. And I can tell you with a straight face that I have already fallen twice in my life, and my feelings for those two are no less just because I've found you. I sincerely want to give you everything you could possibly want, and I will almost certainly feel the same for every person that I will want to make my nakama the way I knew in an instant I wanted to make you one. And before you say it, I don't think it makes me weaker that I have to support so many people with all my heart. I think it actually makes me stronger, having so many reasons to fight." Luffy smiled, and it was brighter than the sunrise to Zoro. "It's not that you'll have less Zoro. I just have more to give."

Zoro couldn't think of anything to say to that.

"But if you're worried of vanishing into the masses, rest assured I plan on having a small crew. Close and cozy and intimate." Luffy gave a truly wicked laugh at the look on Zoro's face, who was actually fighting down a nosebleed.

"Well in that case, the moment I win this bet my answer is going to be a 'hell yes'… Captain."

Luffy slapped his fist into his open palm. "Oh, yeah! That reminds me. I actually came to bust you out. Helmeppo just announced he was going to execute you, so your deal is null and void."

Zoro grit his teeth. "I wish I could say I was surprised. But there's no way I'm leaving without my swords. Helmeppo took them and hid them somewhere."

"Swords?" Luffy asked.

"Three of them. I'm a Santouryu user."

"How do you hold the third one?"

"I use my mouth."

"Really?" Luffy asked, his eyebrows wiggling. "I bet your jaw muscles are _really_ strong, then."

Zoro blushed. And got a little hard.

"So I'll leave you here so no one gets suspicious, find your swords, spring you, and then we can sail off and start getting better acquainted with each other. How's that sound?"

Zoro grinned. "Sounds like a plan." The grin only widened when Luffy stepped into reach and leaned close.

"I'm going to have to borrow back that energy I gave you. But I promise to make it up to you later." Before Zoro could question what he meant, Luffy's lips crashed into his. It was just as intense and pleasurable as Zoro remembered. Only this time instead of feeling empowered, Zoro felt weak as those sure, smooth lips set his nervous system alight. Every muscle in his body relaxed into jelly as his captain laid claim to him.

When it ended, Zoro felt as bad as he had when the day started. But as Luffy caressed his cheek with an apologetic pout, he found he didn't really care.

With one perfectly ordinary kiss to the nose, Luffy left his first Mate and swordsmen to look for his nakama's swords.

Coming to the base of the main tower, Luffy walked right up to the guard on duty and, twirling a lock of his hair with finger, asked "Excuse me, could you tell me where I can find Helmeppo?" Luffy felt a familiar, shallow sense of accomplishment as the man's eyes were replaced with hearts. With clear instructions to go to the roof, Luffy set off.

May lightning strike him if Luffy didn't have both speed and endurance. He managed to climb all the stairs to the roof in five minutes flat. When he got there, he found his target clutching the cheek Luffy didn't hit, cowering before a large blonde man with a weird metal jaw and an actual axe seemingly growing out of his right arm. The nausea-inducing man was shouting to the heavens about his superiority while close to the entire contingent of Marines dragged a massive statue of the freak into place atop the tower.

Shrugging, Luffy walked forward, grabbed Helmeppo's arm, and dragged him back to the door. Just as every eye turned to see why the brat suddenly exploded in noise, Luffy leaned forward and gave his ass a solid smack. "Come and get it, boys!" With that, Luffy took off into the bowels of the tower. Behind him, he heard a huge crash as the distracted Marines let go of the ropes and allowed the statue to fall and shatter.

"AFTER HIM!" shouted a rough bass, which Luffy assumed was the notorious Captain Morgan.

"Would you stop dragging me?" Helmeppo begged.

"Sure. As soon as you tell me where you put Zoro's swords." Luffy spoke as though they were discussing things over breakfast rather than mid-sprint.

"They're in my room! It's the one with the white door we just passed!"

Luffy dropped Helmeppo simple as that, turning back the way he came. Two Marines blocked his path, rifles aimed at him. "Halt! You're under arrest."

Luffy arched an eyebrow and flared his Aura. "Are you sure about that?" While the two hesitated, Luffy dashed forward and punched them both unconscious. Finding the door with the flowery sign proclaiming it Helmeppo's, Luffy opened it and walked in.

Helmeppo clearly cared more about luxury than how people perceived his masculinity. Every surface dripped with jewelry, discarded clothes in flamboyant colors, and fine fabrics. And in the corner by the window were three swords. Taking off his vest, Luffy used it to tie the three swords to his back. The young pirate looked through the window down at the field and nearly had a heart attack.

Coby had apparently tried to free Zoro himself. The two were faced with a firing line, Captain Morgan overseeing it with a smug look on his ugly face. Thinking fast, Luffy threw open the window, cranked his Aura as high as it could go without becoming a Tantalize, and shouted in his best damsel-in-distress voice "Oh my! I'm going to fall! Someone please catch me!" With that, he pretended to faint and began falling towards the ground headfirst.

The firing line dropped their guns and rushed to catch him, trailing hearts the whole way. When Luffy landed, the lot was crushed into the ground while he barely felt a thing. "Thank you, darlings," he said as he picked himself up and rushed to the relieved Coby and Zoro.

Morgan narrowed his eyes before pointing his axe at the man who dared to challenge his authority. "You! How did you make my men betray me like that? They're far too frightened of me to risk their lives just for a piece of pretty boy trash like you!"

Luffy turned to face the Captain, an affronted look in his eye. "If I'm trash, then you're toxic waste. And to answer your question, I ate the Fuck-Fuck Fruit and became supernaturally sexy. Along with a few other things."

The few Marines that hadn't fallen to Luffy's spell started muttering about Devil's Fruits and how they didn't stand a chance. Zoro merely quirked an eyebrow. "Well that explains a few things."

Luffy smiled and pulled the swords from his back, letting his vest fall to the ground. With barely a tug to undo the knots that Coby had been a second from releasing, Luffy freed his nakama and handed him his precious swords, fulfilling their deal and cementing Zoro's choice to be a pirate.

"Don't strain yourself. You can't be up to much after being stuck like that so long. Feel free to jump in, but let me take care of things for now, okay?"

Granted that Zoro was actually feeling dizzy from hunger, the swordsman still acquiesced with "Go ahead," with much less blustering than he would have done with anyone else.

As Luffy turned to face the remaining Marines, Morgan shouted "Kill him, men! If you aren't stupid enough to get distracted, then he's helpless. All his power helps him do is act like a whore!"

Luffy frowned, the one expression that he didn't make look better than anyone else. "I'll show you helpless." Reaching into the store of energy he'd Consumed, he found Zoro's and tapped into it. "Fantasy Form!" he shouted, before becoming incased in a blinding reddish-purple light.

When Zoro could look again, his jaw dropped.

Luffy was now dressed like a samurai. He had bracers and greaves strapped to his arms in legs, an elaborate kabuto helmet, and a nodachi held with perfect form in his hands. Apart from that, the only thing he had on was a fundoshi. He looked equally sexy and powerful. Zoro had vague memories of one or two embarrassing dreams from when he was younger that involved a similar figure.

The men who had hesitantly begun to charge froze in place, either baffled or fighting nosebleeds. Angling his sword towards Morgan, Luffy called out with a voice clear and loud as a trumpet. "Captain Morgan of the Marines, I am Monkey D. Luffy and I find you to be without honor. Face me in single combat or forever be known as a shameful coward!"

Apparently unfazed by the magical transformation Luffy had undergone, Morgan threw off his jacket to reveal his black muscle shirt. "In this world, rank is everything! I hold the highest rank, so I am the greatest man on this island! I'll kill you and remind these people why they should obey me!"

With that, both of them charged at each other. While Luffy had never even held a sword in his life, Samurai Luffy was another matter. He expertly wielded the nodachi, dodging or deflecting all of Morgan's attacks while leaving stinging wounds in his wake. When Morgan raised his axe-hand for a debilitating strike, Luffy seized his opening. He dashed forward so fast he was barely seen, reappearing behind Morgan with his sword held frozen in the end position of a cut.

Morgan went down in a shower of blood, a clean slash across his gut having downed him. Luffy once again vanished into a ball of light, which cleared to reveal him back with his normal vest, jeans, and straw hat. The pirate turned to find Zoro standing over the unconscious form of Helmeppo.

"This idiot tried to sneak up on Coby with a gun. I stopped him from ruining the show. May I ask what the hell that was?"

Luffy grinned and slapped Zoro on the shoulder, who tried and failed to conceal how hard it was to stay standing from the blow. "Let's get some food in you and I'll explain all about my powers." So saying, the two pirates and Coby made their way to Rika's place while the Marines celebrated the fall of their oppressor, Morgan.

While Zoro made up for three weeks of missed meals, Luffy explained around his own mouthfuls what exactly the Fuck-Fuck Fruit let him do. Naturally, he kept the talk vague in consideration of the listening Rika.

"In a nutshell, all I do is work with a certain kind of energy, but there's a whole lot of different ways to use it. People generate it whenever they do heated kinds of things. Aura just makes it easier for me to generate it with someone by making me more distracting. Tantalize is when I give it a little kick to make people actually start fighting over me. When I'm doing stuff with someone, I can either suck energy out of them or give it to them. I call those Consume and Heal. Then I can actually use the energy to do some interesting things, like Fantasy Form. That turns me into the ideal partner of whosever energy I use to fuel it. Since I used yours Zoro, I turned into a samurai. Or I can just use it to make me stronger, like I do with Punishment. There're a few other things, but I don't think I can mention them with children present."

"Aw, come on! I want to hear more about Luffy-san's cool powers!"

Rika's mother on the other hand, who had a clearer idea of exactly what kind of energy Luffy was talking about, gave a grateful grin.

When Zoro finally felt full, he turned to face his Captain who was picking at some fruit. "So, where do we go from here? I'm guessing from the way you were talking earlier that I'm the first member of your crew."

Luffy grinned. "Easy. We wander around looking for more nakama, and then when we have enough it's off to the Grand Line!"

"Don't you think you should plan a little more than just that? Do we even have a real ship?"

"Nope, just a rowboat." Luffy laughed at the expression on Zoro's face. "Don't worry Zoro, things will work themselves out."

"Luffy-kun is a very go-with-the-flow kind of person," Coby offered, a sympathetic grin on his face.

"You don't say," Zoro muttered, wondering if untold pleasure and companionship balanced out this kind of idiotic aimlessness.

"Well, all that's left to do is make you a Marine, Coby, and then the two of us can leave."

"Don't say it like that!" Coby shouted. "Even though we only just met, Luffy-kun has become very important to me! Saying goodbye shouldn't be so casual!"

Zoro quirked an eyebrow. "I'd keep quiet about that if I were you. The Marines are hardly going to take you if you're infatuated with a known pirate."

Luffy only grinned in sympathy. Really, if Coby were just a few years older, he would have been tempted to seduce him over to the side of piracy. "I think it's kind of romantic. Imagine, climbing up the ranks, never forgetting the criminal he lost his heart to. Then one day when he's an Admiral and I'm the Pirate King, we would meet in battle and the feelings he kept hidden so long would burst out and he'd desert to run away with me and we'd have the most scandalous affair in military history!"

Everyone in the bar turned to stare at Luffy. The man merely shrugged, smiling warmly at the blushing Coby. "It could happen. Anyways, I think it's about time to leave."

At that moment, a host of Marines came into the bar. They were all obviously uncomfortable in Luffy's presence, but the leader managed to maintain discipline. He expressed thanks for what the pirates had done, but stated in no uncertain terms that they had to vacate the island. While the townspeople cried out at the unfairness of treating their hero like that, Luffy stood up and signaled Zoro to do the same. They were just leaving when the spokesman asked "Wait, what about that boy? Isn't he your nakama too?"

Coby froze. Luffy on the other hand turned to face the man with a bored look. "As if that jellyfish could possibly be worth my time. He's just some sap I hitched a ride with. Went on about how all he wants to be is a Marine, but personally I doubt he'd ever get higher than a chore boy. I'd actually appreciate it if you took him off my hands. He seems to have gotten attached, the sad little thing."

Coby couldn't be more surprised by the sudden reversal in Luffy's attitude. Feeling irrationally upset, he shouted "I would _never_ want to be with a dirty pirate like you! I hope I never see you again!"

Without looking back, Luffy gave Coby a hand gesture that made Rika's mom cover her daughter's eyes. "Go fuck yourself if it will reach, kid. Though I highly doubt it will." With that, he and Zoro left the bar. Coby fought back tears until the Marines came forward and said they'd be happy to take him. Then he realized exactly what Luffy did.

"You played those guys like a harp back there. Making out to be all petty and cruel, riling up Coby like that so they'd feel sympathetic. You're a pretty good actor," Zoro commented.

"But of course. I have to get my roles perfect to make things as interesting as I can." The look Luffy sent Zoro was nothing short of bestial. The swordsmen shivered.

The two had just cast off in their tiny boat when Coby shouted "Hey!" The two turned to find Coby and all the Marines break out into a salute. "Thank you for everything!" the rosette shouted, tears in his eyes.

Luffy smiled like the sun before calling out "Here's a little something to remember me by!" With that, the sexy pirate turned and pulled down the back of his jeans, revealing an ass that seemed the definitive example of the word 'callipygian'.

It would take weeks until the laundry service at the base stopped complaining about white stains in the entire Marines' sleep shorts.

It was sunset by the time the island was out of view. Taking off his hat and hiding it under the lone bench, Luffy turned to face the lounging Zoro, his angel's voice much huskier than normal as he asked "Are you ready to _really_ become my nakama now, Zoro?"

[Lemon, Luffy x Zoro, M/M]

Zoro gulped. Carefully removing his three katana from his side, he laid them away and turned to face the positively smoldering eyes of his captain. Opening his arms in invitation, Zoro truly let go. Luffy growled as he pounced, wrapping his arms tight around Zoro's chest as he claimed the taller man's lips with an insatiable hunger.

Zoro felt dizzy as Luffy gently but firmly led him down to lay against the sole of the boat. Nothing mattered, not his ambition, not his pride, not even his life; nothing but the hot weight of Luffy lying atop him, his sweet lips against his, and the screaming ache in his loins. Luffy's hands went from cradling his neck to teasing his nipples through his shirt. Biting back a moan, Zoro decided to return the favor and reached his own hands to cup Luffy's rear.

Luffy groaned in pleasure before expertly plunging his tongue past Zoro's lips to explore the wet cavern beyond. Putting his Santouryu training to use, Zoro pushed back with his own tongue. Surprised and a bit turned on that his abnormally strong muscle was met with resistance, Zoro began to engage in a brand new and entirely pleasurable kind of sparing as he and Luffy competed to see who would dominate whose mouth. And all the while, Zoro descended further into the delicious fire that Luffy lit in every corner of his being.

"Oh, Zoro," Luffy whispered, pulling back and leaving a trail of saliva connecting his and Zoro's lips. "Last chance, handsome. Tonight, I'm going to love you until you pass out. You may never be able to go back to ordinary relationships after what I do to you. Are you absolutely sure you want to be together?"

"You're asking that now?" Zoro snarled, squeezing the firm globes of flesh in his hands as he ground his still clothed erection against Luffy's own imprisoned length.

"Just 'yes' or 'no' will do," Luffy insisted, running his hands along Zoro's tight arms.

"Yes, damn it! Now can you please take these fucking clothes off?" Zoro tugged at the waist of Luffy's ridiculously tight jeans.

Luffy's eye's seemed to flash with the dying light of the sun. "Ask and you shall receive, my Zoro." Faster than Zoro could believe, Luffy had unbuttoned and shucked his vest, slapped away his hands to wiggle out of his jeans, and kicked off his sandals. The swordsman felt like his eyes would pop out. He traced every inch of the sex god in his lap with his gaze, from the compact, leonine torso to the legs made for things that had nothing to do with walking to the truly impressive cock now standing straight and proud and weeping just above Zoro's body. Uncut and without blemish, Zoro judged it would reach past Luffy's navel if pulled up, and looked quite the handful. Hanging below was a sack bulging with pent-up seed. There wasn't a hair on the Devil's Fruit eater, allowing a completely unimpeded view of liquid gold skin shifting with the play of muscle underneath.

Zoro looked into the eyes of the most beautiful person in the world, eyes that burned with desire for _him_, and decided that if he died after tonight, that wouldn't be a problem.

Luffy leaned down and melted into Zoro's kiss in a way that he'd once been told should be illegal. Not that that would stop him; he _was_ a pirate after all. Luffy breathed in his nakama's scent as his tongue stole Zoro's taste from the depths of his mouth. His head filled with nothing but the tang of metal mixed with strong ale and sweat and thistle that was pure _Zoro_. The swordsman's calloused hands roved over his exposed back and ass, leaving trails of fire beneath his skin. He might be a pro at this, but Zoro made him feel so _alive_, like it really mattered this time instead of the harmless flings he'd enjoyed in Fuusha.

Luffy could feel the invisible play of their auras overlapping, two lusts mixing to produce a completely unique energy he knew Zoro would never truly sense. Normally, he ate it all up with his partner none the wiser. When he used Consume, he'd reached down to suck his victim dry through the opening they let him in. But now that he was with someone he planned to protect, to love, to grow with, he did something he'd never done before. He pulled back from Zoro's devouring lips to lay his own on the man's forehead. With that, he linked his aura to Zoro's. From that moment on, they would both feed off the energy they produced together. They would both get stronger whenever they coupled, and sensations would get even more intense. And most importantly, even if they should come to be on opposite sides of the world, Luffy would always be able to tell where Zoro was. It was the most honest way to express his devotion that Luffy knew.

Zoro shivered beneath him. "What did you just do? It's like I can feel you in my head."

Luffy smiled down into the face of his first Mate. "Bond. It's something I only planned to use with the people I love most. You're the first. I wanted you to know that I trust you just as much as you trust me right now." Reaching down to give one last peck to Zoro's swelling lips, he fixed the man with his best bedroom eyes. "Now let's see what you're hiding under all these clothes."

Moving with the playful, too-slow pace of a born tease, Luffy tugged Zoro's shirt over his head and out of his arms. Seizing the man's wrists and pinning them down, utterly unfazed by the accusing stare he received, Luffy began to worship Zoro with his tongue. He worked both sides of the swordsman's neck, finding which spots were sensitive. Luffy deliberately sucked extra hard on the pulse point, drawing a whimper from Zoro and leaving a clear mark. He then moved over each arm in turn, nuzzling the strong muscles that twitched every now and then with the desire to break Luffy's grip and touch. Looking up through his silky bangs, Luffy grinned wickedly before latching onto a nipple. Zoro bucked wildly at the direct attention to an erogenous spot, but Luffy held him down with his deceptive strength. Expertly biting, licking, and sucking, Luffy worked Zoro until he was half-insane. Letting go with a pop, Luffy blew cold air straight onto the moist skin. While Zoro was still shivering, Luffy moved to the other side of Zoro's chest and gave the neglected areola the same treatment. When Zoro was seeing double, Luffy moved south to taste each cleft in Zoro's ultra-defined 8-pack.

"Luffy, you're killing me. Please, don't tease me like this!"

Luffy hummed, which did very interesting things to Zoro's pleasure centers, before taking his mouth off of Zoro. Releasing his hold the greenhead's wrists, he then shifted just out of reach as Zoro made a grab for the man.

"Someone's impatient. You know things are always better when you build up to them slowly."

"If you spend any more time winding me up, I'm going to explode. _Please_, Luffy!"

Feeling his own patience dwindling, though he truly loved every second he got to lavish on Zoro, Luffy yanked his lover's boots off. Then, with one sure motion, Luffy ripped off Zoro's pants, leaving him only in his fundoshi, which was struggling to contain the beast behind and obviously soaked.

Luffy regarded it in mixed lust and fascination. "You know, I've always wondered how people wear these things. It looks really complicated."

"I'll show you how later!" Zoro shouted, all but tearing it off and throwing it to the pile of his clothes on the other side of the boat. "Just please take care of this!" Sounding almost desperate, Zoro gestured at his erection, which was an angry purple with the balls drawn tight to the base in anticipation of release.

And for the record, the curtains matched the drapes.

Luffy licked his lips, actually drooling. "I can't _wait_ to have that inside me. But tonight is all about you, Zoro. You're not going to do a bit of work."

"Would you hurry up and do it already?" Zoro demanded, well aware his cock had twitched obviously when Luffy mentioned that Zoro would top sometime in the foreseeable future.

Luffy got a devious look on his heavenly features. "You know what? I'll start things off with something I'd bet my hat you never even thought was possible." Planting his butt down with his legs in front of him, Luffy arched forward to grab Zoro's hips and drag the still prone man into his lap.

'What is he doing?' Zoro wondered, craning his neck to eye Luffy as the man lifted him and maneuvered to line up with his entrance. Zoro felt tingly as the blunt head of Luffy's dick pressed against his pucker. For some reason the fact that they'd done zero preparation for that monster didn't even faze him.

With one last look into Zoro's eyes, Luffy leaned forward farther than Zoro thought physically possible and captured Zoro's cock almost to the root while simultaneously thrusting up and burying himself balls-deep with absolutely no pain.

"HOLY FUCK!" Zoro screamed to the night sky, his sanity buckling under wave after wave of white-hot pleasure as the strongest orgasm of his life hit him like a bolt of lightning. His ass clenched around the humongous invader filling it while jet after jet of his cum was fired and swallowed into the velvety throat of Monkey D. Luffy.

It was a full minute before Zoro could see straight. It took another for him to remember how to breathe. Reaching for Luffy's head with a shaky hand, Zoro caressed the jet-black strands and said monotonously "You really aren't like other guys."

Coming out of his c-bend, Luffy swallowed obviously while using a hand to cup Zoro's still-strong erection and protect it from the night chill. "You know it, lover."

"So I guess we'll never have to worry about prep," Zoro said, flexing his sphincter around the largest cock he'd ever had stretching it (not that that was saying much; Zoro was usually the top), marveling at how he wasn't even sore when all common sense stated he should be a torn bleeding mess.

"I personally find it an exciting part of foreplay, but not really. The wonders of the Fuck-Fuck Fruit." Flexing his rod getting squeezed almost to the point of pain by hot, soft walls, Luffy said in a somewhat more strained voice "Now you know you can never complain we don't have time for a quickie."

Rolling his eyes, Zoro pulled Luffy's head down to his while wrapping his legs around his captain's waist. "Shut up and get to work. I'm still a long way from passing out."

Readjusting his legs so he wasn't bent in half, Luffy whispered "Your wish is my command, my Zoro" before capturing his first Mate's lips while beginning to move.

The two began to moan and gasp as the sound of flesh smacking flesh echoed across the calm ocean. Over and over, Luffy slammed his manhood into Zoro's clenching hole, never failing to brush that gods-given gland that made Zoro jerk each time. Then he would pull back, hissing at the friction as Zoro's superhuman strength revealed itself even in these muscles. Zoro's cock was hugged tight between their flexing abs, practically being massaged. Zoro's legs clenched in time with Luffy's thrusts, trying to draw him in just that little bit more. His hands clutched at Luffy's shoulders, his nails almost drawing blood as he tried to find some anchor in the whirlwind of indulgence and need he found himself in. Their mouths were practically glued together, tongues tangling in a battle that neither of them could lose. Luffy rested all his weight on his forearms as his hands tangled in Zoro's bright green hair, massaging the scalp.

They reached their climaxes in the same, glorious moment. Zoro's ass milked Luffy's cock for every drop of cum it could get in time to the spurts that erupted from the buried head. Zoro cried out in delight as the warmth pervaded his core, while orgasmic bliss that surpassed even his earlier nirvana radiated into every cell of his being. And Zoro knew in that single, perfect instant that this was where he belonged: held close in the arms of Luffy, in the midst of instinct and joy and love. He had just enough time to smile before the pleasure peaked and he really did pass out, his mind unable to handle so much stimulation at once.

Luffy grinned as he looked into the peaceful face of his swordsman, his lover, his _nakama_. Adjusting them so they could spoon, his length still buried in Zoro's ass, Luffy drifted off to sleep, sharing his warmth and love with Zoro throughout the night.

A/N: What do you think? I don't know about you, but I hate it when adult fics shift the original world into revolving around sex. I've read fics where Zoro was found naked with a dildo up his butt. Personally, I prefer to treat adult fics like actual fanfiction, albeit with X-rated content. So this fic is built on the idea of if Luffy actually did eat a fruit that gave sexy powers and everything else stayed the same, with allowances.

So, first actual lemon of my writing career complete: Check. Recovering from wisdom teeth extraction: Check. Eagerly awaiting the feedback of a bunch of fellow pervs I've never even met: Check.

Next Chapter: the Buggy arc and meeting Nami


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4: Rescued Redheads and the Reaping of the Rapists

Zoro spent the next three days floating in and out of a state of constant orgasmic bliss. Luffy seemed truly insatiable, and Zoro had absolutely no problem with trying to fulfill the stud's endless lusts. All his captain had to do was crook a finger and Zoro would be ready to go. Some tiny, pessimistic corner of his mind pointed out that he was starting to act like a junkie desperate for his fix, but Zoro was perfectly fine with that. If he had to be addicted to something, he could think of nothing better for him than Monkey D. Luffy.

When they weren't copulating like rabbits jacked up on ecstasy and meth, Luffy and Zoro got to know each other in the traditional sense of the phrase. Zoro talked about his past, of his years at the dojo and his constant competition with Kuina, and how her death had laid the foundation for his determination. Luffy was equally open, talking about growing up on Dawn Island, his two mother figures in Dadan and Makino, and the story behind his hat.

In between the physical ravishment and the emotional bonding, Zoro came to realize that Luffy truly had loved him from the very first time they'd met. After wrapping his mind around the fact that the man in a league all his own could fall that hard that fast, Zoro was slightly less surprised to find he had fallen almost as quickly. Zoro had always been a bit distant from people. His manic drive scared people off, and his homosexuality had always been a point of discomfort in the traditional village he'd grown up in. After setting out on his own, he'd truly become a loner. He'd wandered where the winds of fate took him, forming almost no bonds and leaving a place as easily as he had come.

Then out of nowhere had come Luffy, gently but firmly entrenching himself into Zoro's entire existence. He made it seem as natural and simple as the sunrise, like it was just the way things were meant to be. Empty places in Zoro's heart he hadn't even known existed were suddenly filled to bursting with light and happiness. He enjoyed every second he spent in Luffy's company, and he would do anything for the man with the straw hat that had swept him up into a life of adventure and partnership he had never seen coming.

Roronoa Zoro was in love with Luffy, and that was just the way things were going to be.

Since they were engaging in hot, steaming intercourse multiple times a day, and because they would see any other ship coming from miles away, the two had decided to spend the entire voyage naked. Their clothes, Luffy's hat, and Zoro's swords were all crammed into one corner of the boat. Luffy confessed to being used to wearing only his birthday suit in the open, which explained his lack of tan lines.

It was midday, and the two were cuddling after another arduous lovemaking session. Zoro brought up one of the more life-altering things Luffy had neglected to warn him about.

"Explain to me again how this Bond thing works."

Luffy lifted his head from where it had been resting comfortably on Zoro's shoulder. "I created a permanent link between our auras, or chakras or life-forces or whatever you want to call them. I'll always know where you are, and you'll always sense me as well. You can probably feel it in the back of your mind right now."

"Yeah, and it's purring like a cat at all hours," Zoro grumbled, though in truth he found the constant buzz of contentment and sense of being right where he belonged one of the best feelings he'd ever known.

"That's because we're together," Luffy said, an undeniable glow of pride and love in his voice. "If we're ever separated, we'll be able to find our way back to each other. Kind of like that red string of fate thing."

[Lemon, Zoro x Luffy, M/M]

"Ah. Does it do anything else?" Zoro's hand started to very slowly move down from its previous position on Luffy's chest.

"Well, whenever I have sex with someone, we generate energy. I normally just absorb that without even thinking. If I want to, I could transfer my personal energy to help them with Heal or suck them dry with Consume. But since we're Bonded, some of that energy goes to you all by itself. So every time we're together, you'll get a little boost."

"You're telling me you got the strength to punch through walls by having a lot of sex?" Zoro's hand found Luffy's soft cock, which was still bigger than some men ever were. The greenhead started to play with the foreskin as the silky bronze length started to reach turgidity.

Luffy hummed appreciatively and started to pluck at Zoro's nipple with nimble fingers. "Well, it's a full body exercise. It's not that hard to believe. And now you can enjoy the same benefits. If you challenged the you from a month ago to an arm-wrestling match, you'd win easy."

"Well that explains why I'm not that tired," Zoro muttered distractedly, most of his attention on the now fully erect phallus in his hand.

It was true. Their first argument had been the morning after their first time together. Zoro had yelled at Luffy for five minutes for sailing off with no compass, water, or food, something the swordsman had failed to notice in the dreamlike state the day before had taken on. The diatribe had lasted until Luffy leaned down to suckle on Zoro's balls. The impromptu blowjob proved to be the opening act to the longest marathon Zoro ever had, going from just past dawn until the stars were visible. Needless to say, the issue of supplies was the farthest thing from Zoro's mind after that. Yet despite that ordeal and two more days of similar exertions, Zoro felt no more tired or hungry than he normally was after a good, tough workout. Though he was getting uncomfortably thirsty.

"We probably will have to find an island soon for you. I ate the fruit; my body is made for feeding on sexual energy. I could probably live on it indefinitely, though that'd get pretty exhausting. You, on the other hand, can't even feel where it's going. It's like replacing sleep with coffee; sooner or later it won't be enough. You need real food and water." Luffy said all this while tracing an abdomen so cut it wasn't flat so much as ridged.

"I actually could use a drink. I think I'll have a protein shake." So saying, Zoro twisted away from Luffy's side to kneel down in front of him and begin to suckle on the most perfect dick nature could provide.

Luffy leaned his head back and groaned as he was surrounded by wet, tight, sucking warmth. Blowjobs were awesome. Anyone who said different hadn't had one. "That's right. Suck on my sword, my Zoro." Luffy had learned quickly that his swordsman had both little interest for nicknames and a fetish for referring to sex in blade metaphors. In fact, the only reason he allowed Luffy to say 'my' was because Zoro liked the idea of being 'wielded'.

Zoro bobbed up and down on his captain's shaft, rubbing what he couldn't fit into his mouth with his left hand. While he had no gag reflex after years of working with a sword in his mouth in the heat of battle, he was still inexperienced at giving head in general. He tried to make up for it with his highly-trained tongue, slathering the sensitive underside of Luffy's cock.

If the tensing of Luffy's thighs was an indication, it was working.

Zoro pulled back to focus on Luffy's head, licking up the gobs of precum from Luffy's slit as they came out. Luffy moaned Zoro's name as his hand came up to feel the green strands of coarse hair. Zoro looked Luffy in the eye, almost hesitant, before reaching up and offering two fingers from his right hand. With giddy enthusiasm, Luffy leaned forward to suckle.

Apart from the cowboy position, Zoro had not been on top the entire time he'd been Luffy's nakama. He hadn't cared because Luffy blew his mind more by plowing him inside-out than he'd ever come close to topping random drinking buddies. But this time, Zoro wanted to be the one in charge. He wanted to see if Luffy felt as heavenly inside as he looked on the outside.

Zoro pulled his saliva-soaked fingers from Luffy's mouth and reached past the bulging balls as he continued to suck. He traced past the perineum to find the puckered rosebud that had yet to be breached by the swordsman. Once more making eye contact with Luffy, Zoro pressed into quivering tunnel.

"Oh, Zoro!" Luffy yelled as his felt his hole stretch for the probing digits. That combined with the continued attention to his shaft and the molten lust and desire in Zoro's eyes had him close to the edge in seconds. He could feel the energy practically bubbling over as it rose up and then flowed away into both Luffy and his lover. Feeling the connection was just as erotic to Luffy as seeing Zoro's cheeks bulge, and as his nakama brushed that ever-so-sweet spot inside, Luffy let himself go with a shout as he felt his orgasm explode throughout his body.

Zoro drank down every drop of the 'shake' he'd worked for, while focusing on the vice-like grip around his fingers. Picturing another extremity being clenched like a boa's pray into that smoldering cavern, Zoro felt a string of his personal lube drip down to the sole of the boat.

Pulling off the still-hard length, Zoro rose as high up as he could kneeling so that he was looking down on Luffy, pulling his fingers out to tease around the edge. "Well, that was refreshing." Zoro reached down turned Luffy's hips around so he was on all fours. "But now I think I'm going to find a sword for this empty sheathe here."

Luffy grinned, turned on by the odd dirty talk because it turned Zoro on. "Yes, fill it with that big katana of yours. I'm not even sure it'll fit, but we'll never know unless we try."

All but growling in lust, rejoicing in feeling dominant after so long being the bottom, Zoro lined himself up, grasped Luffy's hips, and drove balls-deep in one great thrust.

And then used every ounce of self-control to not shoot his load on the spot.

The Fuck-Fuck Fruit had gifted Luffy, among other things, with the magical power to penetrate his partners without pain, as well as take any cock with little to no prep or lube. But that didn't mean he was loose. And as Luffy had told Zoro when he was still imprisoned, everything about the Sexyman was ten times as pleasurable as a normal person.

If Luffy's kisses were Heaven and his cock was out of this world, then his ass had to be Hell. It was hot as fire, dirty and sweaty, and so tight it was suffocating. It was pure torture for Zoro to feel his sword getting cooked and crushed in there, the sweetest torture he had ever known. He felt if he moved even one inch, he would be undone.

And then Luffy clenched around him.

Zoro saw spots as he fell forward to cover Luffy's body with his, his ass clenching visibly as his balls pumped shot after shot into the greatest hole Zoro had ever felt. He felt like his soul was being sucked out his dick, leaving him feeling numb and dumb as his captain supported his weight.

Luffy grinned wryly as he felt his nakama's breath against his neck as his arms held firm against the weight of the heavy body. He'd had this problem with every guy he'd ever let give him anal. Zoro had actually lasted much longer than anyone else before breaking. The rookie pirate had discovered the solution a while ago.

"Recharge," Luffy muttered as he gathered a few ergs from his reserves and pushed it into Zoro's body in the smallest Heal he could do. In seconds, Zoro's softening length returned to full mast as his head drifted back down from cloud nine.

"Um… sorry." Zoro's cheeks were pink as he turned to face Luffy.

Luffy just smiled and twisted his neck to give Zoro a kiss. "No problem. Think of it as stamina training. Let's see how long you last this time."

Zoro raised an eyebrow, then grabbed hold of Luffy's hair and pushed his head down. His other hand came up and smacked solidly against Luffy's left cheek, drawing a gasp from the invaded captain. "A good sheathe cradles its sword, but lets it move in and out with ease. Only bad sheathes disagree with the katana they hold, interfering with the battle. Are you a bad sheathe?"

Luffy fought shivers. This new side of Zoro was a little unexpected, but not unwelcome. After years of lovers who followed his every whim, it was surprisingly sexy to Luffy to have someone else put him in his 'place'. If Zoro wanted to act like a total dom from time to time, Luffy was totally into being a sub.

But then again, Luffy was into everything.

His musings were broken as Zoro spanked him again, this time on the opposite cheek. "You didn't answer. Are you a good sheathe or a bad sheathe?"

"I'm good! I'll be the best sheathe there can be for your huge sword! Let me prove how good I am! Let me show how easily you can slide in and out of this good little sheathe!"

Surprised, and very turned on, by the positive response to his fetish and power play, Zoro muttered "We shall see," before beginning to thrust.

Lovemaking was too gentle a word for this. So was sex, or even fuck. This was a rut, plain and simple. Zoro pounded in and out of Luffy, raw and hard and fast. Their balls touched as the swordsman's hips smacked audibly with his captain's over and over again. Every few thrusts Zoro would smack a cheek, until Luffy's ass could have glowed in the dark. Luffy's head was pushed facedown into the boat, his hair held tight to the point of pain.

And they loved every second of it. Zoro plunged again and again into that burning, constricting passage, which clenched even tighter with each spank, feeling the rush of power and masculinity in having total control. Luffy drooled into the wood, his body shuddering around the titanic thrusts of his lover, the pain his nakama inflicted providing a biting, sharp edge to the pleasure that he'd rarely ever experienced.

And no matter how harsh or how demeaning Zoro spoke, how desperate Luffy cringed away from the sting, their love stayed strong. If anything it grew stronger because they could admit their pleasure in this new way.

Even with a second wind, Zoro could only last three minutes in the sinful ecstasy of Luffy's ass. With a guttural cry, Zoro thrust as deep as he could and let loose. Shot after shot of cum flew out until his balls actually started to ache with the effort to produce enough. Luffy all but convulsed as he felt the warmth of Zoro's seed in his deepest, darkest place. His own release was not so much a series of shots as a continuous flow, his sphincter clenching around Zoro's thick cock with each convulsion.

In unrelated news, that rowboat would be burned by its next owner after taking one look at the stains.

Zoro fell backwards, his cock feeling like it would almost be torn off before Luffy's ass let go of it. He gasped for breath like he'd just run twenty miles. Luffy tilted his hips to keep any of Zoro's seed from leaking out, waiting for his body to absorb it. He breathed deeply. He always loved the smell of the afterglow. His scent in its purest form mixed with another's and the pure musk of sex. It was divine.

[Lemon End]

That had been a big one. He could actually feel the boundaries of his reserves expand to make way for the huge lump of fresh energy. Zoro made him stronger too.

Once he couldn't feel Zoro's cum slithering inside him anymore, Luffy stood up and turned to survey Zoro all but passed out. The man raised a shaky arm and pointed at the sky. "Bird," he stated, as if he'd never seen one before.

Luffy looked up to see a pink bird flying along. He thought it looked about the size of a seagull, until a cloud passed by that was visibly lower. That meant the bird was actually huge and just very high up. "Hmm, that bird must nest nearby. If we follow it, we'll probably find an island."

Luffy turned to the corner where all their clothes were smushed and shook out his vest and jeans before slipping into them. Putting his hat back on his head and feeling a sense of completeness, Luffy turned to tap Zoro with his toe. "Come on, Zoro. Honeymoon's over. Get dressed and start rowing after that bird."

"Why do I have to do it?" he asked, eyeing Luffy's clothes with a vaguely displeased expression.

"Because contrary to what the past ten minutes might lead you to believe, I am the captain and I'm in charge. And I say you row while I navigate."

Zoro grumbled to himself but set about getting dressed. True to his word from their first time, Zoro showed Luffy how he wrapped the fundoshi, which proved to be a tad distracting. However, it really was time to get back to the real world. Zoro got back into his dirty clothes, deciding it was time to start looking for new ones, and belted his swords. He then grabbed the two paddles and set about rowing in the direction Luffy pointed.

At least he thought he had, though Luffy said he'd rowed in the complete opposite direction. Not really believing that, but deciding to humor his captain, Zoro went the other way.

That hadn't been moving for very long when suddenly the quiet sea air was filled with shouts.

"Hey look, a boat!"

"Please help us! Our boat capsized!"

"Show some kindness, please!"

Luffy and Zoro turned to face what looked like three half-drowned clowns. They wore the most ridiculous clothes either pirate had ever seen, all flamboyant colors in odd styles. One appeared to be wearing a jester's hat.

"Well I guess we put clothes on just in time," Zoro said.

Luffy wrinkled his nose. "I don't know if we should stop for them. They don't smell right."

"So we won't stop," said Zoro. Without stopping his powerful strokes, he called out "If you want on, you better swim fast!"

"WHAT?!" the three asked incredulously. When they saw that their hope of salvation really wasn't slowing down, they broke into action. They each seemed only concerned with saving himself, elbowing each other and getting in each other's way. But all three were pretty fast, and managed to grab hold of the passing boat and get on board.

"Hmm. I'm surprised you guys all caught up with us. You look pretty weak," Zoro said, looking at them with apathy.

None of them answered, all of them preoccupied with staring at Luffy. The sexy pirate felt a familiar sensation of crawling skin as eyes that held nothing but lust that didn't care if it was unreciprocated roamed over his body. The men had already started to dry off, making the stink Luffy had detected earlier even more obvious. He knew in an instant exactly what these men were.

All three drew the swords hanging at their belts, drawing the eye to the (rather small) tents in their pants. The biggest one in the middle spoke, already drooling. "Listen up, you two. We're members of the Buggy Pirates, so you better do what we say if you want to live. And I say that you keep rowing while you watch us have some fun with your little boyfriend here."

Zoro raised an eyebrow as he stopped rowing. He was just about ready to get up and stick the oars in his hands in some not-so-nice places in these pathetic grunts when Luffy turned to give him a look. It was the look of a hunter informing another that this prey was his. It was not a very nice look.

Then Luffy stepped forward, got to his knees, and began to nuzzle the erection of the spokesman while his hands came up to fondle the other two. "All you had to do was ask," he trilled, his musical voice low and smoky.

The clowns couldn't seem to believe their luck. They started to brag to each other about all the things they were going to do with their latest catch. So involved were they that none of them heard Luffy whisper "Consume."

Instantly the three froze. Zoro watched with morbid interest as their skin started to wrinkle and grey before his eyes. The biggest reached down with withering hands to try and push Luffy away, but his touches were as feeble as a feather. In a matter of seconds, the three were reduced to lifeless husks, their hair white and brittle, their bones visible beneath dry, cracked flesh. All three corpses fell back into the water, never to be seen again.

Luffy reached down into the water and started to wash his hands and face with a certain intensity.

Zoro spoke up, a hint of worry in his voice. "I understood when you said you could suck energy out of people, but I guess I didn't really realize that meant you could kill them. Are you okay?"

"I'll be fine. They deserved it." Luffy's voice was curiously dull.

"You sure about that? You must get all kinds of unwanted attention." It wasn't that Zoro had a problem with murder; he'd killed several people in the heat of battle. And he would have had no problem with beating those men to bloody meat for even thinking of touching Luffy. But there was something about the way they'd... eroded before his eyes, something about how they'd died without a fight, their own lust turned against them that rubbed Zoro the wrong way.

Luffy paused in his washing, looking down at hands that were starting to look raw red. After a moment, he said quietly "Remember how I told you Shanks saved me from those bandits? I didn't mention that they came very close to raping me. You could say I have issues with people like that."

Zoro felt bile rise in his throat. Luffy had been _seven_ when that had happened. Doing something like that to a child… Without a word, Zoro held out his arms. Luffy accepted, curling up into Zoro's lap as strong arms held him close and let him know he wasn't alone.

They stayed there for about a minute, until Luffy pulled out. "We're about to lose that bird. We better get moving again."

Nodding, Zoro picked up the oars again and set off, faster this time to catch up and also to get as far away as possible from Luffy's latest kills.

Within the hour, they came upon an island. As Zoro pulled into the dock and set about tying the lines, Luffy surveyed the town, a puzzled expression on his face. When Zoro finished he joined his captain. "What's bothering you?"

"Can you hear that?"

Zoro cocked his ears. "I don't hear anything."

"Exactly. It's midday, but this dock is deserted."

"Hmm. Those… guys back there mentioned something about the Buggy Pirates. Maybe they raided the town and killed everyone."

"And cleaned up after themselves?" Luffy shook his head. "Either they're the neatest pirates that ever sailed, or they're still here and the townspeople are hiding."

At that moment, a sound louder than thunder tore through the air as a blinding light flashed. Luffy and Zoro covered their eyes, shocked at the suddenness of the explosion. When the light cleared, they looked. Zoro's eyes widened as Luffy's jaw dropped.

An entire line of houses had been reduced to rubble. What wasn't burning was in pieces on the ground. The destruction continued in a completely straight line, back to somewhere in the heart of the town.

"Well, I guess that answers that question," Zoro muttered, clutching his swords.

"Something's not right. I want to see these Buggy Pirates and what they're up to." With that, Luffy took off. Zoro, with no other choice, took off after him.

XXXXXXXXXXX

Nami had fallen into a lot of piles of shit in her seven-year career as a pirate thief. But this was by far the biggest.

Upon discovering that the chart to the Grand Line she'd hoped to steal from Captain Morgan had been already taken by the infamous Buggy the Clown, she had set off immediately to steal it for herself. Perhaps her eagerness had made her sloppy, or she'd just underestimated the guards, but she'd been caught red-handed stealing the map from its chest. She'd led her pursuers on a merry chase, until finally their greater speed and her poor choice of running shoes caught up with her.

That led to her being on the roof of the village bar, tied to a chair in a way as humiliating as it was effective. Her legs were spread wide and tied to the feet of the chair, offering a clear view of her panties beneath her mini-skirt. Her arms were actually tied to her feet in a hogtie, making her shoulders bend back uncomfortably and pushing her chest out. She'd lost count of how many times she'd been groped since they'd left her there.

Upon seeing the thief that had stolen from him caught, Buggy the Clown had declared to his crew that they would have a party to celebrate her failure. The badly-dressed band of thugs had proceeded to get roaring drunk, which led to displays of circus tricks and most of the groping. Nami had run out of rude things to say to them and now just glared with all the hatred her soul could find.

Buggy himself approached her, giving her a slap to make her look at him. Nami turned her glare on him. Of all the colorful freaks in his crew, Buggy was by far the freakiest. He wore an orange-and-yellow captain's jacket over a red-and-white prison shirt and grey pants, with odd pointy shoes. He wore a cap with his Jolly Roger on the front, and two tassels Nami would have sworn were made from Buggy's own blue hair. But most obvious and ridiculous of all was the vivid face paint and rubber red ball of a nose. Nami knew two things about that nose: it was, hard as it was to believe, natural, and anyone that talked about it in Buggy's presence risked death.

"You made a very big mistake, trying to steal from me, you flashy bitch," Buggy drawled in his voice like dying cats dropped two octaves. "I'm the most fearsome pirate in this rat's ass of a sea. You must be pretty stupid to try and do something as dung-brained as robbing me."

"Fuck you, you cross-eyed, fashion-retarded, rum-soaked _pirate_!" Nami snarled. In an alternate reality, she might have sweet-talked her way out of trouble. But after getting treated like a blow-up doll for an hour by the kind of people she despised most in all the world, all she wanted was five seconds alone with this bastard so she could tear that eyesore of a nose off with her teeth.

His response was to backhand her. She swallowed a whimper of pain. "That's Captain Buggy to you, flashy slut. Or just master would do. You see, for the crime of trying to steal me, I'm sentencing you to being my crew's stress relief. The boys are so much more productive when they have some ass to look forward to at the end of the day."

"Like hell!" Nami screamed, her stomach feeling like it was getting stabbed by an icicle. Sadly, she knew what it was to have her body violated. Arlong had abused her since she'd hit puberty, just another way for him to own her and make her miserable. Over the years, stealing treasure and making enemies of pirates, she'd had to engage in survival sex more than once. But this… this was so much worse. To be reduced to a living toy… she wouldn't let it happen.

Buggy seemed to read her thoughts. "In case you're thinking of fighting, let me show you what you're up against." Turning from her, he threw his arms in the air and shouted "Men, prepare the Buggy Ball Special!"

With great ceremony, a cannon was rolled out and a giant cannonball the same color as Buggy's nose and painted with his crest was loaded. The long fuse was lit, the crew's excitement directly proportional to how much got consumed. Finally, the shot went off.

Nami felt the wind almost knock her chair over as the biggest, loudest cannon blast she'd ever seen consumed everything for a mile in the direction the cannon was pointed. When the spots cleared from her eyes, she could only gape at the raw devastation. She couldn't help imagining what that Buggy Ball would do to a person. As she did, she felt hope die inside her.

Buggy turned to face her, a mad smile on his face and a sadistic glint in his eye. "Listen here, girly. You try to escape, you bite when my boys use your mouth, you say anything other than 'more!' or 'I love it', and the next Buggy Ball Special will be aimed like you."

Nami felt tears fill her eyes. This wasn't happening. This could not be happening. After years of pain, years of stealing from dangerous men, years of enduring the hatred and distrust of the very people she was trying to save, this couldn't be how it ended. She couldn't wind up some pleasure girl on a pirate ship while her village languished forever under Arlong's thumb.

Drawing a knife from seemingly nowhere, Buggy approached Nami. She tried to move away, but she was truly unable to escape her bonds. Her heart stopped when he brought the knife down, but she felt no pain. She watched in horror as instead he sawed his way down her shirt and ripped it off, leaving her in only her bra.

"Well, boys. Let me introduce you to our new lady friend. Have at her!"

Nami felt like her heart was going to crawl up and out of her mouth. She had never felt more afraid or deeper despair. She watched the men as they approached, evil grins on their faces, their hands already in claws. Only one thought was in her mind.

'Not like this. Not. Like. This.'

Buggy started laughing like a maniac. "Behold my power, you flashy idiots! With these Buggy Balls and my Devil's Fruit power, I will conquer the Grand Line and become the Pirate King!"

Nami closed her eyes. She wouldn't watch this. They could rape her, degrade her, make her want to die, but they couldn't make her watch.

And because her eyes were closed, her ears got just the extra push to hear the whisper of "Punishment."

The redhead's eyes snapped open as she watched a blur of red and blue go from each of the pirates that were approaching her. Wherever it went, the circus freaks were sent flying to the other side of the roof. She blinked, and the blur solidified into a guy around her age, wearing a red vest, jean shorts, and an old straw hat. His fist was glowing with a white light that was reddish-purple-pink at the edges, which faded to reveal bronze skin.

"The man who will become the Pirate King," he said, in a mellifluous tenor "is me."

Nami stared. This guy was a pirate. But he saved her. And came out of nowhere. She didn't know what to think. Her brain was still catching up from that Buggy Ball.

"Zoro," he said, "cut her loose."

Nami felt another presence behind her. Before she could panic, she felt the ropes binding her in place go slack. She gave a kind of flop and fell out of the chair. She turned to see the man that freed her had green hair, dirty clothes, and three katana strapped to his hip.

Buggy only seemed to process this new development then. "Hey! Who the hell are you flashy bastards?"

The mystery pirate that beat up her would-be rapists ignored Buggy, turning to face Nami on the ground. Nami felt her breath catch. Pirate or not, this guy was hot. Capital H-O-T hot. Then he took off his vest and that assessment got upgraded to burn. This guy was a smoking, hissing, third-degree **BURN**.

"Here," he said, offering her his vest. Nami took a second to gather her thoughts out of the gutter before taking it. She quickly slipped it on and buttoned it up, concealing her torso from the world, or as much as she could given its size. She still had no idea what was going on. She was going with the flow.

Buggy actually stamped his foot. "Hey! Bastards! Who the fuck are you? Why did you beat up my men? And why did that flashy idiot with the straw hat say something that ridiculous?"

The now shirtless mystery man turned to face Buggy, a look of thought on his face. "Let's see… I'm Monkey D. Luffy and this is my nakama Roronoa Zoro. I punished those guys because if there's one thing I hate, it's a rapist. The body is something to share with love, not take with lust. And I said I'll become the Pirate King because I will. Did I get that in order?"

Nami felt her jaw drop as the few pirates that weren't knocked unconscious by this Luffy started to mutter to themselves. "Roronoa Zoro? Did he say that guy was Zoro? The Pirate Hunter!"

Buggy got a sick grin on his face. "So, you're that Roronoa. Are you here for my head?" He seemed to have ignored everything else that Luffy had said.

Nami watched as Zoro walked forward to stand beside Luffy. "Nah. I'm out of the bounty hunting business. I'm living on the other side of the law now. I'm just here because my captain wanted to see who caused that big explosion."

Luffy started to crack his knuckles. "Your crew is full of men who would commit rape, you blew up all those houses for fun, and you're plain ugly to boot. It's captains like you that give pirates a bad name. I've decided that I don't like you."

Nami felt herself getting dizzy. 'Why are pirates acting like the good guys? Why would the greatest bounty hunter in East Blue turn into a scoundrel? I don't know what's going on!'

Buggy seemed deaf to everything Luffy was saying. "You might have switched careers, but you're still pretty infamous. If I killed you, my reputation would get even better!"

Zoro seemed to roll his eyes. "Mind if I deal with this guy, Luffy?"

"Don't take too long," the distracting pirate answered.

Buggy pulled a couple knives out of his coat and started to twirl them. Zoro took a bandana from his arm and tied it around his head before drawing his swords and getting into his infamous Santouryu stance. The peons had started to chant "Buggy, Buggy!" Luffy watched impassively while Nami was still trying to work out how in the world her situation had changed so fast.

Buggy dashed forward with a shout, while Zoro remained silent. In a flash, Zoro was on the other side of Buggy, who fell to pieces. Nami averted her eyes while Luffy's brow wrinkled. Zoro sheathed his katana and took off his bandana. He made his way back to Luffy, walking around the latest corpse. "He was all talk."

Despite seeing their captain killed before their eyes, Buggy's crew didn't seem that worried. In fact, they began to laugh. The three sane people there were puzzled.

"Why are they laughing if their boss just died?" Nami wondered aloud.

Luffy got a bad feeling.

Zoro clicked one of his swords a bit out, his back still to the pirates as he glared at them. "If you have something to say, why don't you—"

Zoro's threat died off as a knife pierced his side. Blood started flowing free and fast, staining his shirt red instantly. He sunk to his knees in surprise and pain.

"ZORO!" Luffy screamed, dashing to his nakama's side. Nami was surprised too, but even more at the anguish in Luffy's voice. He seemed in pain at seeing Zoro in pain. That was more compassion than she had ever seen in a pirate. Then she looked over at Buggy and had her mind go blank.

Luffy turned from cradling his swordsman to glare at Buggy, who was laughing like a loon while his torso floated in the air, the hand that held the bloody knife circling his head while his dismembered leg did a jig in mid-air. "That flashy moron! I ate the Chop-Chop Fruit and became a Seperationman! Blades can't hurt me, because I can separate my body into pieces anyway. With this power and my Buggy Balls, I'm unstoppable!" As he ranted, his limbs rejoined seamlessly with his body.

'That explains why there wasn't any blood,' Luffy thought. He looked down once more into the pained face of his nakama, and felt his heart harden. He stood up and turned to face Buggy. When he spoke, if his voice was angelic, it was because it was that of the Angel of Death. "I'm going to leave now to make sure Zoro's alright. But when I get back, I am going to kick your ass all the way to the moon."

Buggy seemed too stupid to realize the danger. He cackled again. "And what makes you think I'm just going to let you leave?"

"This." Luffy put his hands together, like he was praying. He got a focused look in his eyes. When he pulled his hands apart, there was an orb of light in his hands, which expanded until it was the size of a beach ball. It was bright as the sun, and the same red-pink-purple that had surrounded his hands when he first appeared. Nami only stared, unable to believe her eyes. She must be dreaming. This was all some freaky nightmare that had taken a surprise turn for the better. She was going to wake up any second and the world would be a normal place once again.

"Bliss Bomb," Luffy whispered. Then he threw the glowing ball right at Buggy. Nami was suddenly aware of someone grabbing her and carrying her. But even as she moved faster than she ever had in her life, she managed to see clearly as the strange orb got right in Buggy's confused face.

Then the entire tavern was consumed in light. There was no sound, which made it even more eerie. As Nami drew in a breath, she caught the surprising scent of… well she wasn't sure what it was, but it smelled better than any perfume she'd ever sniffed. Then she felt a sharp drop and realized belatedly that Luffy had grabbed her and Zoro and leapt off the building. As he landed without any trouble and began running at a ridiculous speed, Nami decided to just stop thinking and let herself get carried away by the most confusing, attractive pirate she'd ever seen.

XXXXXXXXXXX

Luffy only stopped moving when he couldn't smell a single whiff of any of the Buggy Pirates. That meant they'd never been to this part of town. Upon realizing that, he gently laid the girl he'd rescued down on the ground. Some corner of his mind noted that she looked very cute wearing his vest, but Luffy ignored that thought. After what she'd almost been through, the last thing Luffy was going to do was make a move.

With great care, he laid Zoro down. His swordsmen seemed conscious, but his breathing was harsh and his wound was still bleeding. The greenhead looked Luffy in the eye, his own hazy, and tried to grin. "Haven't we been here before?"

"Don't even try to laugh this off," Luffy told him sternly, though his own lips twitched. "Looks like he missed anything important, but you're still bleeding really bad." Luffy leaned down to kiss Zoro and Heal him, but the man brought up his hand to block Luffy.

"No. Let it heal normally."

Luffy looked at Zoro like he was an idiot. "Zoro, that wound is serious. Let me make you better."

The swordsman shook his head. "It's my own fault for dropping my guard. This wound is a lesson. If I let you just make it vanish, I wouldn't learn anything."

"Now's not the time to be proud!" Luffy retorted. "Zoro, let me Heal you. It hurts to see you like this!"

"Please, Luffy," Zoro whispered.

Luffy looked Zoro in the eye and saw that he wouldn't budge. Luffy sighed. He couldn't understand, but he would respect Zoro's decision and trust he knew what he wanted. That was what love was about.

"Can I at least find some gauze and patch it up the old-fashioned way?" Zoro seemed to deliberate before nodding weakly.

Luffy turned to look for a house that looked like it had a first-aid kit, only to find the girl had already found one. She offered it to him, almost looking confused at what her hand was doing. Luffy accepted it gratefully, before popping it open and putting what little that Dadan had pounded into his head to use.

The girl watched him work and the obvious care he showed with something like disbelief. "Who ARE you people?"

Luffy looked up from where he was taping the bandage. "Oh, how rude of me. I'm Luffy, and this is Zoro. We're pirates."

"Are you sure? Because I've never known pirates to rescue people or worry about each other."

Luffy shrugged. "The way I see it, a pirate is someone that sets off to sea to do whatever they want. Unfortunately, the majority are selfish assholes that decide to pillage and kill and do other evil things. My idea is to chase my dreams and have a good time with my nakama. Maybe I learned it wrong, or everyone's forgotten what it means to be a real pirate, but to me, the Jolly Roger should represent adventure, not crime."

The cute redhead stared at him for a minute before shaking her head. "You're insane. Pirates are vile, disgusting people that make the world a worse place. Why a decent guy like you would go around calling himself one is beyond me."

"Well, you're entitled to your opinion." Luffy made sure Zoro was okay. The guy had actually fallen asleep. Luffy bit back a laugh. Zoro was almost as bad as Ace. Sure his lover would survive for the next ten minutes, Luffy stood up and turned to face the redhead fully. "So, do I get to know your name, or are pirates not allowed to?"

The girl bit her lip, seeming to weigh her options. Finally, she held out her hand. "My name's Nami. I like money and oranges. I'm a thief that steals only from pirates. Real ones, not fakes like you."

Luffy grinned, took her hand, and kissed it. "I assure you I am a pirate. I'm just the good kind."

Nami blushed, but jerked her hand out of his grip. "No such thing. And pirates killed someone very important to me, so unless you want me to change my decision on not hating your guts, you'll stop pressing the issue."

"Only my guts? My spleen must feel so left out." Luffy smiled to let her know he was joking.

Nami shook her head, before a confused look appeared on her face. "What the hell happened back there with Buggy? Did you… kill them or something?"

Luffy shook his head. "Bliss Bomb doesn't do any physical damage. That building's still standing. It just knocks anyone in range out."

"But what is a 'Bliss Bomb'? What's with that weird glowing energy you use?" Nami eyed him warily.

Luffy shrugged. "That big-nosed bastard isn't the only one that ate a fruit. I ate the Fuck-Fuck Fruit and got the power to manipulate sexual energy. Bliss Bomb works by overloading a victim's brain with pleasure so they pass out. It takes a lot out of me to gather tangible energy like that, but I couldn't fight them all there with Zoro hurt like that."

Nami gaped. "And before today I thought the Devil's Fruits were just stories. So that's the reason for… all this?" Nami made a vague gesture at Luffy, with his perfect face, muscles, skin, tan… everything.

"You just gestured to all of me." Luffy grinned and rubbed a hand on his taut, lean abs. "But yeah. I don't even have to exercise. I just look like this."

"I hate you," Nami said without thinking. It was instinctive, seeing someone so beautiful bragging about not having to watch what they ate or any of the other things Nami had to do.

Luffy laid a hand over his heart. "Ouch. So what were you trying to steal from Buggy?"

Nami frowned at the reminder of her failure. "I wanted his map to the Grand Line. The pirates there have a lot more treasure than you find in East Blue, so I thought it would be a good career move."

Luffy raised an eyebrow. "You can read a map? You must be a navigator!"

Nami gave Luffy a look, reevaluating his intelligence at such an asinine statement. But she smiled smugly as she answered "I'm the best navigator you'll ever find. I know the ocean like the back of my hand."

Luffy grinned cherubically. "That's great! I have no idea how to navigate and Zoro could get lost walking down the street. How about you join us as our navigator? Since we're not 'real' pirates, it shouldn't be a problem, right?"

Luffy watched as Nami gaped at his bold offer. He wasn't planning to seduce her if she said no, he was honestly asking. She was cute, smart, had skills he needed, and seemed like a good person. But considering what he'd saved her from and her issues with pirates, he wasn't going to press the issue. Even if she said yes, he'd let her make the first move.

Before she could answer, a bark came from their left. They both turned to see where the sudden noise came from.

Only then did Luffy notice that he had stopped right in front of a pet food shop. A small, whitish dog sat just in front of the porch, apparently standing guard. It eyed them both cautiously, keeping very still.

Luffy melted in a way typically associated with young teenage girls. "Doggie!" he shouted and dashed over to kneel by the dog. The smiling boy immediately began to pet the dog. The canine seemed shocked at the attention, but let the nice-smelling human continue. As Luffy combed out all the kinks in his fur and found that special spot behind his ears, his tail started to wag as his tongue flopped out in a doggy grin. With little hesitation, the dog flopped over onto his back, his legs kicking cutely.

"Who's a good boy? Who's a good boy? You are!" Luffy gushed as he proceeded to give the best belly rub the dog ever had in his life. Nami watched with a surprised smile on her face as the guy with the straw hat played with the dog.

'And he calls himself a pirate? He's not fooling anyone.'

"Hey! What are you doing to Shushu?" Luffy and Nami looked up to see an old man approaching. He had glasses and hair that looked like a poodle's pelt, and was wearing old rusted armor over summer clothes.

"Shushu? Is that this cutie's name?" Luffy tickled under the dog's chin, drawing forth a series of barks that were obviously laughter. The old man seemed shocked when he got a closer look at exactly what the stranger was doing.

"Amazing. Shushu doesn't let anyone touch him. I'm the only one who he lets feed him, and that's because I was friends with his owner." The old man then noticed the snoring Zoro. "Oh my word! This man needs a doctor right away!"

Luffy shrugged. "I already tried that. Even if you managed to wake him, he'd say he didn't need one. He's the stoic, suffer in silence, 'it's just a flesh wound' type. The best you'll manage is getting him to a proper bed." Absentmindedly, Luffy tuned his Aura down to almost zero. Not that he had any problems with older men and women (they had all the experience), but he could see the ring on the man's finger. That was one line he would never cross.

"I see. Mind giving me a hand then?" Luffy shrugged and ceased his attentions to Shushu, who whined in protest. Giving the dog a grin, Luffy helped the old dude pick up Zoro and take him to the guy's house, which was all but next door to the shop. They left him on the couch and came back outside, where the man introduced himself as Mayor Boodle. Luffy handed Nami a shirt he'd snagged from the man's house. She smiled, put it on, and by some magic known only to female kind managed to take off his vest and offer it to him without taking off the new t-shirt.

Boodle explained how he and the townspeople had fled upon Buggy's arrival as he set up Shushu's lunch. As the dog tucked in, Boodle also explained how Shushu's owner had died of illness three months ago, but he still stayed. Nami raised the idea that the dog was waiting for his owner's return, but Boodle disagreed. He asserted that Shushu knew his owner was gone, but continued to watch over the shop because it had been precious to both of them. It was Shushu's 'treasure', and he was protecting it.

Luffy grinned and scratched behind Shushu's ears. He liked this dog. He had a real pirate's soul.

The moment was ruined by an odd roar that echoed from down the road. Boodle shot to his feet, a wide-eyed look of fear on his face.

"That was the roar of Ritchie the Lion! Mohji the Beast Tamer must be coming! He'd Buggy's First Mate. We need to hide!"

Nami started to follow the mayor, but noticed Luffy hadn't moved. "What are you waiting for?"

Luffy smiled at her. "I'm going to help Shushu guard the shop." The pirate looked down at the dog in question, who was facing the vague shape in the distance with his hackles raised. "Besides, I told Buggy I was going to come kick his ass. Beating up his right-hand man will be a good warm-up."

Aware that this guy wasn't normal but still skeptical of how strong he could possibly be just from being inhumanely sexy, Nami turned and followed the fleeing mayor. "I wish you luck!"

Luffy waved her goodbye before turning to face his approaching enemy. Shushu growled beside him.

In no time, a massive lion was in front of them. He was oddly discolored, having green skin and a purple mane. Riding on his back was a guy Luffy had pegged as a furry in an instant. He wore a fur mantle and some odd hat that looked like animal ears. He had a respectable build, and had a whip at his hip.

"So you're the one that set off that weird explosion. Captain Buggy wasn't too happy with you pulling a prank like that. He sent me here to teach you a lesson and WOULD YOU PAY ATTENTION?" Mohji shouted as the pretty boy started to smooth his vest of creases.

"What's with that weird hat?" Luffy asked.

"Hat?! This is my hair!"

"That's even weirder."

Mohji grit his teeth before regaining his cool. He noticed that the dumb guy was standing next to a dog in front of a pet food shop. "So, you're trying to hoard all the food for your pet there? Well, Ritchie will clean it out after we deal with you."

The dog barked angrily as if he understood every word. Luffy's eyes got hard, making him look like a warrior angel. "Wrong thing to say. I see you have a whip. Well, mine's bigger. Conjure." With that, a thick whip made of sexual energy in its fleshy tones formed in Luffy's right hand.

Mohji started to freak out. "How did you do that? Do you eat a fruit like the captain? If so, then I take back everything I said! I promise not to hurt you! I'll tell Buggy I couldn't find you! Please!"

Luffy scoffed. "Cowardice isn't very attractive. And I never forgive a threat to one of my friends." With that, Luffy cracked the energy whip before lashing at Mohji at the speed of sound. The man got knocked right off his perch, clutching the burning mark on his cheek. The lion, Ritchie, seemed to panic before roaring and charging at Luffy. The pirate responded by wrapping the whip around a paw and jerking to the side, sending the lion stumbling. Luffy pulled back his leg, his foot glowing with Punishment, before giving an almighty kick and sending Ritchie flying into the distance. Satisfied the cat was handled, Luffy wrapped the whip around Mohji with skill only possible when the whip was prehensile. He then dragged the already crying man towards him.

"Please! I'm sorry!" he blubbered, showing his true colors. When he couldn't totally own a fight, he fell to pieces. Nothing but a bully.

"I want you to give Buggy a message," Luffy said as he surveyed the pathetic man before him. "He's next." With that, Luffy dragged on the whip, sending Mohji into a spin. Then, with unerring accuracy, Luffy literally kicked Mohji in the ass, sending him flying to land with Ritchie right on Buggy's little rooftop.

"Good riddance," Luffy said. Shushu barked in agreement.

"Wow, you're strong." Nami reappeared from where she'd been hiding behind a corner. Boodle popped out with her.

"I can't take this. My people struggled for 40 years to build this town, but we're powerless to defend it. Then some whippersnapper out of nowhere swats them like flies? It's unbearable!"

Nami turned to the old man in alarm. "Calm down, there! It's not like it's your fault. And he's really not a normal guy."

Nami would have continued to try and talk Boodle out of his rage, but she fell to the ground as the familiar roar of a Buggy Ball resounded. The very building she'd been hiding behind collapsed into dust.

When the air cleared, Boodle seemed to be even angrier. "Damn that Buggy!"

Luffy had other concerns. "Zoro was in that building!"

Shushu barked and rushed forward, his canine nose guiding him. He paused at a particular pile of rubble and leaned down to lick something.

"Well that's a kinder wake-up call than the one I just got," Zoro said, sitting up and patting Shushu on the head. Luffy grinned so wide his cheeks hurt at seeing his nakama alright. The brief hour of rest seemed to have done a world of good. Zoro was a really fast healer.

Boodle seemed about ready to pop a blood vessel. "My house… my town… IS NOTHING SACRED?" Picking up a spear from the ruin of his home, Boodle charged towards Buggy's base. "I'll show him!"

"Wait!" Nami shouted, clutching at the man's arm. "If you fight those pirates, you'll die!"

"I know!" he shouted back in her face, shocking her into letting him go. With impressive speed for his years, Boodle vanished into the distance.

"How much did I miss?" Zoro asked, rubbing his head.

"I made friends with a dog, met the mayor, beat up an idiot, and now we're going to go kick Buggy's ass. Not that much." Luffy answered.

"The mayor… he was crying," Nami remarked.

"Don't worry. I like him. I won't let him get killed." Luffy turned to face Nami, holding out his hand. "So, you never answered my question. How'd you like to sail with us as our navigator? It'll be fun, and I'll help you with anything you ask."

Nami eyed him and slapped his hand away. "I'll never willingly become a pirate, even a fake one!" Then she grinned and put her hands on her hips. "But you guys seem pretty strong, and we seem to be going in the same direction anyway. So I'll temporarily align myself with you. Just so we can meet our mutual goals. You understand?"

Luffy grinned. "Sure!"

XXXXXXXXXXX

Buggy grinned as he held the flashy bastard that yelled at him by the throat. "This town is your treasure you say? You flashy idiot! Treasure is silver and gold and jewels and other valuable things. This town is worth dirt!" Buggy was just about to tell his disembodied hand to squeeze when he felt a flash of pain. He watched as the stupid straw hat bastard that Mohji had been babbling about grabbed his hand, letting the mayor fall back to the ground.

"As promised, I'm back to kick your ass!" Luffy shouted, before tossing the hand back at Buggy. The clown pirate rubbed his hand, his eyes glaring with loathing at Luffy. The boy's unnatural beauty had no sway on Buggy; he only had lust for money.

"Remember, I get all their treasure," Nami reminded her new partners in crime.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah," Zoro muttered, fiddling with his swords. The pain from his wound was inconsequential. He wouldn't lose.

Boodle seemed to catch his breath. "What are you brats doing here? This is something I have to handle myself! My pride as a man won't allow a bunch of kids to help me!" The mayor clutched his spear and would have gone back to yelling at Buggy if Luffy hadn't grabbed him by the head and slammed him into a wall. Unconsciousness was immediate.

"What was that for?" Nami shouted, her eyes wide. Maybe Luffy was a real pirate after all.

"He would have just gotten himself hurt. Now he's out of the way, safe and sound." Luffy actually leaned down to kiss the bump he put in the mayor's head. Before her eyes it vanished. Then Luffy stepped back to face Buggy again.

"What's with this guy?" she asked Zoro, hoping he would have a sane answer.

The swordsman got a grin on his face that seemed almost too soft for someone so fearsome. "He chases after the impossible, falls in love with complete strangers, and will die smiling. I've given up on trying to figure him out."

"That didn't really answer anything," Nami retorted, though she noted that there seemed to be something going on between the two pirates.

Luffy took a big breath, and then shouted at the top of his lungs "BIG RED NOSE!"

Everyone in hearing distance gawped at Luffy. He had just broken the taboo. Buggy seemed to almost explode with anger. "FIRE A BUGGY BALL AT THIS FLASHY BASTARD!" In short order, the cannon was armed and aimed.

"Are we getting out of the way?" Zoro asked, calm at Luffy's side.

"No need," he answered. Zoro nodded, resolving to stay put.

"You two are crazy!" Nami shouted, running to a nearby alley.

"FIRE!" Buggy shouted. The ball seemed to move in slow motion as it exited the cannon and came straight at Luffy. The pirate with the straw hat simply raised his hand in a stop position.

"Rejection."

A flat wall of Luffy's energy appeared an inch from his open palm. The Buggy Ball hit it and instantly reversed direction, heading back at the man who had fired it. In a flash, the entire tavern the Buggy Pirates had taken over went up in a flash.

"Didn't know you could do things like that," Zoro remarked.

"I can directly manipulate energy. Sure it's a specific kind that most people don't talk about, but it's still raw power. I can do a whole lot if I set my mind to it. So long as I have enough juice, which I shouldn't have a problem with after all our private time."

Nami strolled out of her hiding spot like she hadn't run away at the first sign of danger. "You could have warned me, you know."

"I figured the fact that I stood my ground was proof that nothing bad would happen."

"Well, most people don't stand up to a freaking cannonball!"

Zoro beseeched the heavens for patience. 'Bossy, a bit of a nag. Probably a screamer. So long, peace and quiet.' Zoro took a second to contemplate that he was evaluating someone based on how they would have sex with his boyfriend/captain, but brushed it off. He'd known what he was signing up for.

A dark laugh came from the rubble. The three turned to see Buggy unharmed, shielded by two of his crew he had grabbed and held in front of him.

"Using his own men as a shield! How low can you get?" Nami asked.

Luffy felt his fists tighten.

"Mohji was sputtering about some weird energy before he passed out. I see now what he meant. You've eaten a fruit, haven't you?" Buggy asked menacingly.

"Yep, the Fuck-Fuck Fruit. So we have a human jigsaw puzzle against the strongest force known to humankind. I can't say I like your odds."

Buggy guffawed. "You're dumb enough to think sex is the strongest thing in the world?"

"It fuels love and is born from lust. It forms bonds that last a lifetime and creates life itself. It is the cornerstone of our very existence. And I can use it as a weapon. So the question is, are you dumb enough not to believe me?"

Buggy grit his teeth while Nami got a contemplative look. 'He actually has a point. We're practically designed to have sex, it's a driving force of nature. If he can harness that kind of power… he's suddenly looking much more dangerous.'

"Well, that was an unpleasant surprise." Another pirate appeared from behind Buggy, dropping the unconscious form of Ritchie by Mohji's body, which was still steaming slightly from when Luffy kicked him. "Captain Buggy, allow me to deal with the riffraff."

"Why certainly, Cabaji. As my chief of staff, you should be more than enough for these weaklings."

Cabaji had hair that was two different styles, one for each side of his head. He wore a checkered blue and white scarf and rode a unicycle. He had a standard rapier at his side. He started to peddle towards them at surprising speed. "Prepare yourselves for my acrobatic swordplay!"

Zoro all but blurred and blocked Cabaji's lunge with his white katana. "Let's see if you actually know how to use that sword." Zoro pushed Cabaji back, drawing his other swords and getting into his stance, uncaring of the renewed blood flow from his wound.

Luffy looked concerned. "Are you sure you're up for this, Zoro?"

Zoro looked his captain in the eye. "If I let a little scratch like this stop me from beating this trash, there's no hope for me being the world's best."

Nami rolled her eyes and turned to walk away. "I could care less if you two bang yourselves to pieces. I'm just here for the treasure while you two distract them." She turned to look Luffy in the eye, her gruff demeanor lightening a tad. "If you're still alive when this is over, let's discuss working together again. See ya!"

"Bye," Luffy said, waving as she took off.

Cabaji proved that he had ears and took off towards the alley Nami had disappeared down. "Like I'm going to let filthy thieves like you get away with our treasure!" But again, the unicyclist found his path blocked by Zoro, who held his blade in an x with the two katana in his hands. Cabaji sneered, before noticing Zoro's bleeding wound. With an ugly smile, he swept his leg in a kick that would impact solidly with the injury. To his surprise, Zoro pushed with his blades and broke his form, sending his sword arm up and his leg off target. He got a shallow slash from the blade in Zoro's mouth for his troubles.

Zoro looked at his hands with interest. 'Weird. He had pretty good from, but I overpowered him. And I saw that kick coming from a mile away. I wasn't this fast or strong even before that dumb bet.' Zoro barred his teeth like a shark. 'Guess Luffy wasn't lying about all that sex making me stronger.'

Deciding to end this sooner rather than later, Zoro got into the stance for his favorite move while Cabaji was still gathering himself from the counterattack. "Oni…" Zoro whispered before he rushed forward as fast as he could. He caught a brief glimpse of widened eyes before Zoro slashed all three katana simultaneously. "Giri!" he shouted as he came to a halt behind Cabaji, who fell to the ground in a shower of blood.

"T-truly, the Pirate Hunter is a fierce adversary," the clown swordsman moaned as he passed out.

"Not Pirate Hunter, just pirate," Zoro corrected, sheathing his swords and untying his bandana. He turned his eye on the livid face of Buggy and felt his wound, which was loudly complaining about that last move. "Luffy, you get to deal with the clown. I think I'll just watch."

"I didn't peg you for a voyeur, Zoro. But it's nice to know I have an audience." Luffy grinned at the blush he managed to draw onto Zoro's cheeks. He turned his gaze on Buggy. "You ready to get your ass kicked, big-nose?"

The blue-haired pirate seemed ready to explode. "Prepare to die, you flashy motherfucker! I don't care how pretty you are! Everyone looks the same with their skin carved off!" With that, Buggy charged forward, knives out.

Luffy rushed forward, but Buggy beat him to the punch. "Chop-Chop Rice Cracker!" the clown shouted as the blades hidden in his shoes revealed themselves and his lower half detached and began spinning like a windmill. Not seeing how in the world the attack resembled its name, Luffy still jumped up and over it.

"You can't dodge in mid-air, idiot!" So saying, Buggy threw a knife at Luffy. The Sexyman displayed his ridiculous speed and grabbed the knife right out of the air. As he landed, he ran forward so fast he blurred, swiping the stolen knife at Buggy's neck. "Chop-Chop Quick Escape!" Buggy shouted, his head detaching so that the knife hit nothing but air. Before the clown could do more than feel smug, Luffy used his momentum to turn and deliver a roundhouse kick to Buggy's torso. The floating chest and arms was sent flying and Buggy's eyes went wide in pain.

Luffy watched impassively as Buggy's head and legs rejoined where their other parts had made an imprint in a nearby wall. "You're slow."

Buggy gritted his teeth. "I'll show you slow! Chop-Chop Cannon!" Buggy launched his right hand full of knives straight at Luffy's face. The rival captain caught his hand, and squeezed so hard he broke Buggy's wrist before the clown could detach what was held and continue the attack. "Yeow!"

Luffy grinned tightly as he tossed the broken hand to the ground, ignoring how it floated back. "I'll let you in on a secret, big-nose. As you might imagine, I'm a bit of a magnet for rapists and the like. And you know what I do with each one? I use their lust as a window to their life force, and I Consume it all. So for every creep that tries to violate me, I absorb a grown person's strength, their speed, their reflexes. And I've had to deal with over a hundred of those monsters."

The men of Buggy's crew that were playing dead in the rubble of the tavern felt cold sweats run down their backs. 'HE'S GOT THE STRENGTH OF 100 MEN!' They one and all began their prayers for Buggy, because there was no way their captain would be able to beat this stranger.

Buggy spat at the ground. "You're really pissing me off, you flashy bastard. It must be that straw hat. Only Shanks could piss me off this much!"

Luffy felt like someone hit him in the stomach. "Shanks? You know Shanks?"

"Know him? He ruined my life!" Buggy then broke into a rant about how he and Shanks had been on the same crew when they were both rookies, and how Shanks had ruined his plan to sell a Devil's Fruit to fund an expedition for a sunken treasure. Then the bastard had the nerve to save him from drowning.

"So he saved your life?"

"That's not the point! The point is that because of that red-hair bastard, all of the treasure under the sea is beyond my reach. But I decided long ago that I would settle for all the treasure on land!" The clown then detached at the waist and his upper half soared towards Nami, who had been hiding around a corner with a large bag that jingled. "Now give me back my treasure, you dirty thief!"

Luffy spent a moment marveling at the odd sight of a floating half-clown chasing a screaming girl, before turning his attention to Buggy's stationary lower half. With no hesitation, he pulled back his leg and inflicted the pain every male fears above all else. Buggy fell like a house of cards.

Nami caught her breath, before looking at the downed pirate. "That's what you get for trying to steal my treasure, you pirate!"

"Your treasure?" Buggy asked threateningly, looking up through the pain.

"Yes, MY treasure. I stole it fair and square, so that makes it mine!" Nami shouted, clutching the bag like it was filled with gold, because it was.

It was then that Buggy snapped.

"Chop-Chop Festival!" the clown screamed, as he separated into as many pieces as he could. They started to harass Nami like a horde of bees, who screamed and began to run again. She tried to whack Buggy's face with her heavy treasure bag, but Buggy caught it. Before he could say anything, Luffy appeared from nowhere and kicked his head. The bag tore as all of Buggy's parts went limp.

Buggy's floating head turned to glare at Luffy. "That does it! I'll show you, you flashy fucker! Chop-Chop Reassemble!"

Luffy took one look before he broke out laughing.

Buggy glanced down in horror at his reassembled body. He was literally only a head, two hands, and two feet. Anatomical impossibilities aside, it was also very humiliating.

"Looking for these?" Nami asked, a sly grin on her face. In the space of a few seconds, she had managed to tie up all of Buggy's parts with some handy rope.

"I like your style!" Luffy shouted as he started to run towards Little Buggy.

"Wait, wait, wait! We can talk this out! You flashy bastard!" the clown shouted hysterically.

Luffy pulled back his fist, which began to glow so bright with energy that it was hard to look at. "Raw Punishment!" he shouted as he delivered a savage uppercut. Buggy was sent flying into the distance with the roar of a sonic boom.

Luffy grinned. "I said I'd kick his ass to the moon. Too bad he's missing his ass."

Nami shrugged. "Alright, you're officially so strong it's stupid. We can work together for now." She gathered the spilled treasure and split it between two new bags. "What a haul! This must all be worth 10 million Beri!"

Luffy raised an eyebrow. "Is there a reason you need all this money?"

Nami glanced at him sharply. "I need to get 100 million Beri. Now help me carry these."

Luffy shrugged. If Nami wanted to be secretive, he'd give her time.

They just got back to where Zoro was dragging himself up from lying against a wall when the real chaos started. The entire town showed up, wondering what all the strange noises had been, when they caught sight of the downed Mayor. Nami was just starting to relax from seeing the mob when Luffy clearly and loudly apologized for having to knock the Mayor out. When the soon-to-be-angry mob questioned if they were pirates, Luffy answered yes without hesitation. Which led to the three running for quite possibly their lives as they whole town chased them armed with literal pitchforks.

"Why the hell did you tell them we were pirates?" Nami questioned angrily.

"I was just being honest," Luffy answered.

"Yes, but there was more to the situation! You could have explained it and we wouldn't be in danger right now!"

"They would have been angry anyway. They love that old guy. We were just convenient targets. We're turning right."

Nami skidded as she tried to keep up with Luffy as he suddenly switched direction. Zoro had no such problems, seeming to read his captain's mind. Just as the mob reached the corner they'd just turned, Shushu appeared, barking up a storm. The entire mob stopped in their tracks.

Luffy grinned. He really liked that dog. "Thanks, doggie!" he shouted as he and his crew of one and a half took off for the docks.

They had just cast off, Luffy commenting on Nami's flag still having Buggy's crest, when Boodle appeared on the dock. "You brats! Thank you for everything!"

Luffy grinned and waved back. The boats had just pulled out of sight when Nami noticed something. "Wait! Turn back! We're missing one of the treasure bags!"

"Yeah, I left it back there."

Nami froze. Zoro raised an eyebrow as he felt a formidable amount of killing intent leak into the air. Maybe he and this chick could get along after all.

"You moron! That bag alone was worth 5 million Beri!"

"Yeah, but they'll need money to repair all the damage Buggy did."

With a cry of rage, Nami grabbed Luffy by his luscious locks and tried to push his head into the water.

"Hey! Watch it! I'll drown!"

"That's why I'm doing it!"

Zoro laughed as his captain and their new ally fought for life and death. Then a thought popped into his head.

'I really hope she's a heavy sleeper.'


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5: Sweet Temptation in Syrup Village

Once Nami had made her peace with the fact that Luffy had left half her hard-stolen treasure behind and she was incapable of drowning him in revenge, she begun ask question after question. She wanted to know exactly who she was sailing with and what to expect. Given the sheer oddness of her companions, that was proving to be a much longer course of action than she was used to. She had dealt with Zoro very quickly, since she'd already heard of his reputation and he was a simple enough guy, but Luffy was one miracle and mystery after another.

"What exactly is that energy you use?"

"I told you already, sexual energy."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, but what exactly IS that?"

Luffy realized that he was going to get very tired very quickly of having to explain his powers to every new person. He half wished he had a less complicated fruit, but he firmed his resolve. "From what I can tell, every person has an aura. I actually can smell them, but that's not important. When two or more come into intimate contact, they mix and produce a whole new energy. I can harness and use that energy."

"How exactly do you get it when you, um, produce it?"

"Well, I suck up the product like a sponge. I hardly even think about it anymore. I can also use the overlap of auras to convert life-energy into sexual energy. So I can turn my partner's aura into energy and suck that up with the rest or give some of mine to them. Those are Consume and Heal."

"You can take bites out of people's souls?!" Nami shouted, her eyes widening.

"I'm not sure if soul's the right word, but yeah. Don't get so worried, it grows back… unless I take it all. But I only do that with people who deserve to die."

Having a good idea of what kind of people he meant, Nami decided that she shouldn't make too big a deal of it. "Where does it go?"

"I kind of have a second stomach, or at least it feels that way. The energy I absorb floats in there, waiting for me to use it. It all gets slowly… digested, I guess, making me stronger and faster and increasing how much I can store."

"Is all the energy the same, or does it vary?"

"Mostly it all gets used the same, if that's what you mean, but the energy Zoro and I make would be different from what you or I could make. Fantasy Form is the only move I have that really relies on the difference."

Nami blushed at the idea of 'producing energy' with the gorgeous beyond gorgeous man, but reminded herself firmly that he was a pirate. Plus a lifetime of bad and worse experiences of 'that' kind made her hesitant. Then her mind caught on to something Luffy said. "So you two are together!"

"What gave it away?" Zoro asked sleepily, readjusting his head where it was laying in Luffy's lap. The straw hat man had been idly scratching the greenhead's hair since the start of the interview.

Nami felt a bit embarrassed at missing the obvious, but put it down to all the stress she'd endured in the past five hours. Luffy just chuckled. "Of course we are. Zoro's my nakama. Ergo, I love, respect, and cherish him. That's how my crew works."

"It doesn't count as a crew if it's just one person," Nami pointed out. "And are you putting together a crew or a harem?"

"To me, they're the same. I asked Zoro to help me become Pirate King, and he said yes. The least I can give him is my heart in return. The same goes for everyone that will link their dream to mine."

Nami tried and failed to wrap her head around that kind of twisted logic. "You're not going to make moves on me, are you?"

Luffy got a playful grin. "Of course not. We're just temporary allies. Unless you want to reconsider my offer. I promise you won't regret it if you'll give me the chance."

Nami found it hard to look at the epitome of attraction before her. To distract herself, she moved to a macabre topic. "Back to that Consume thing. That's pretty scary, the idea that you could kill someone with a kiss."

"Depends on the person," Luffy said. He elaborated before Nami could ask. "The strength and speed of Consume depends on how much energy my victim has, and how much our auras overlap. Obviously I have to do it with a certain amount of speed, otherwise they'll fight back, and I'd be pretty vulnerable in that kind of situation. Sure, I could gobble up a random person walking down the street just by crooking my finger. But against someone as strong as me, I'd have to be in the act with someone that genuinely wants it. If they're stronger than me or not totally into it, that could get pretty ugly pretty fast."

"Alright, that makes sense." As she cast about for the next question, Nami started to wonder whether she really wanted to know all the juicy details on how Luffy's sex powers worked. Plus the sun was starting to set and she'd had a long day. "One last thing. How come that bomb thing didn't do any damage but you could make that whip or the wall?"

Luffy started to feel a headache coming. "I've never really thought about it that hard, Nami, and I'm not exactly a scientist. My guess is that sexual energy is still energy. It can be harnessed and channeled in new ways, but it'll still stay true to its nature. My whip hurt the furry because pain can be a part of pleasure. Rejection works because you can turn away partners. But explosions and sex don't really go together. So Bliss Bomb sends people into orgasm instead of blowing them to pieces."

"Right. And… that's my limit. I am done thinking for the day."

"Here, here," Zoro spoke up.

"You've been dozing off the whole time!" she yelled back, her teeth growing sharp.

The band of three made a meager dinner out some apples out of a barrel Nami found on her stolen boat. When the sun was dipping low in the horizon, Nami turned to face her traveling companions. "Now listen here. I don't know, care, or want to think about what you two do when you're alone. But when I'm around, you two keep your hands to yourself. Good night." With that, Nami laid down behind the tiny storage compartment on her boat where they couldn't see her and started breathing heavily.

"Where does she get off telling us what to do?" Zoro asked, his brow twitching at the ridiculousness of a slip of a girl ordering him around.

"Well, it would be rude if we kept her up with your cries of 'fill my sheathe!' or my singing practice," Luffy demurred. Zoro felt heat fill his cheeks at the reminder of how his captain made him beg and the younger's unique orgasmic sounds. Zoro had heard of screamers, moaners, those who maybe whimpered softly, motor-mouths, and even gigglers. But Luffy was the first person he'd ever known to sing out in full operatic voice in time with the peak of his pleasure. When asked about that surprise on day 2 of their pleasure cruise, Luffy answered "My first time, she said 'Sing for me, angel'. So I did. It just kind of stuck."

Zoro laid back and stared at the sky as night fell. Luffy did the same in the other direction, their heads next to each other. The two quietly admired the stars. This had become a habit during their time alone. Of course, normally it ended with one last quickie and falling asleep spooning, but Zoro accepted that wouldn't be happening tonight. If Luffy was going to be polite, than he would too.

"Can I ask my own question, or are you too wiped?"

"Ask away. Just please make it simple," Luffy murmured very tiredly. Since he had more than one store of energy to exhaust, fights were more draining for him than the average person. Of course he could 'recuperate' very quickly, so it balanced out.

"Why didn't you make her say yes?" Zoro traced a constellation as he brought up something that had been nagging him since they'd set out. "You like her, I can tell, she's pretty, I guess, and she's bound to be useful. I don't get why you didn't just charm her like you did me so she'd join the crew."

Luffy sighed. "And I asked you nicely for an easy question." Luffy reached to grab Zoro's hand and squeezed. "First off, it actually scares me a little when I MAKE people do stuff. Getting favors I'm okay with, but brainwashing them with what I can make them feel frightens me. I have this fear that it'll go to my head and I'll just become a rapist that never has to hear no."

"The fact you worry about it is proof you aren't the kind of person who would," Zoro said immediately. He was only just grasping how much baggage Luffy must be carrying from being a constant target of abusers.

"Thanks, Zoro." Luffy turned his head to kiss his first Mate's temple. "But mostly it's because she hasn't asked and I don't feel enough to push. With you, it was chemical. You were hot, smelled awesome, really strong, and I could tell you were a good guy. That was all I needed to know. And I might have beaten your arguments when you were dazzled, but you said yes, even when I gave you a chance to back out."

"Considering you made that offer when we were at second base, I'm not sure it counts." Zoro and Luffy exchanged grins at the joke.

"I like Nami, she seems nice, and God knows we need her if we expect to get anywhere. But she's got her own issues to deal with. I'll try to turn her around, but I'm not going to force her into something she doesn't want to do."

Zoro sighed. "I guess I get that."

[Lemon, Luffy x Zoro, M/M]

Luffy grinned at his swordsman, before that grin turned positively mischievous. The pirate captain scooted down until his head was level with Zoro's crotch. He leaned his head over and began to nuzzle the hidden prize.

Zoro sucked in a breath. "I thought we were supposed to keep our hands to ourselves."

"So we won't use our hands. Remember to be quiet." Luffy's eyes smoldered as he looked over at Zoro before seizing the swordsman's pants in his teeth and started to pull. Zoro lifted up his hips to help, which was needed since his excitement was making the job a bit harder. He was then treated to the magnificent experience of Luffy undoing his fundoshi with nothing but gentle tugs and bites, the silky halo of his hair caressing Zoro's thighs as the greenhead's erection got teased by brushes through thin cloth from his lover's face. When it was done, Luffy deep-throated him with no preamble. Zoro fought harder than he had against Cabaji to keep from moaning. When Luffy adjusted so he was kneeling over Zoro, the greenhead reached up and began to distractedly try and return the favor.

Luffy moved back up, feeling his throat move around Zoro's cock, before sinking all the way down again, loving the heady flavor of his swordsman's sex running along his tongue. His nose pressed into the little dip between Zoro's balls and he breathed deeply, soaking up the mind-numbing musk of his lover as the coarse green hairs tickled his cheeks. He continued his ministrations, trying to keep focus as he felt Zoro pull his zipper down with rough motions and start to lap at his head like an ice cream cone.

Zoro felt himself as turned on as if they were going at it doggy style as he began to blow Luffy in time with his own heavenly oral love. Something about the constant struggle to keep his hands down and not make a noise hyped the tension up deliciously. Zoro froze and forced himself not to bite as he felt Luffy's head twist around his cock. That was new. Not wanting to be one-upped, Zoro buried what little trepidation he had and raised his head up all the way until his chin hit Luffy's groin.

Luffy swallowed, which made the rod stuck in his throat jerk. His mind was filled with nothing but the sweet, pulsing warmth that enveloped his entire dick. No one had ever taken him to the root. He hadn't even been sure it was possible. If he hadn't loved Zoro before, he did now.

The two began an almost see-saw like motion. Zoro would raise his hips to get sucked in by Luffy, before raising and tilting his head so Luffy could thrust down into the depths of his throat. Hands twitched, but they stuck by Nami's unintentional challenge to not touch each other. And while the sound of saliva-wet flesh moving was an inescapable part of any sex, the two kept as silent as they could. It was probably the hottest gay 69 in the history of East Blue.

Zoro felt the pressure reach boiling point and sunk into the familiar too-intense pleasure only Luffy could provide. He felt his release get lapped up by an eager tongue as Luffy pulled back to taste. As he felt Luffy begin to twitch, he arched up one last time to let his captain's jizz pump straight into his stomach.

[Lemon End]

They pulled off of each other, catching full breathes for the first time since they began. Luffy recovered first and twisted to cuddle into Zoro's side. The swordsman wrapped an arm around his captain and sunk into the land of dreams, the bright moon the last thing he saw.

XXXXXXXXXXX

The team landed on the beach and eagerly got off their boats to stretch their legs.

Earlier that day, Nami had declared that two small boats were not sufficient transportation for the Grand Line. Luffy with his typical nonchalance had asked her to find the nearest island. She showed her talent, finding the best current and avoiding patches of bad weather with nothing but her eyes. She was truly gifted.

"It feels good to be back on dry land," Nami commented.

"I hope this place has a strawberry field. I need my fix." Luffy spoke with utter severity.

Zoro yawned, and then froze. The next moment, the ground at their feet started to jump as numerous projectiles impacted. Nami hid behind her boat while Luffy and Zoro engaged in an odd dance. When it ended, they turned to face the source. The greenhead gripped his katana and stated "We're not alone."

A very loud, ostentatious kind of laugh filled the air as a series of pirate flags went up in groups of three along the top of the cliff. Out from behind a tree hopped a remarkable young man. He had large eyes, full pouty lips, and a nose that stuck out from his face like a stick. He wore brown overalls, covered his afro with a bandana, and had a large bag at his side.

"Behold! I am the pirate who conquered this land! People see me and fall down in awe of the great Captain Usopp! Flee now or my 80,000,000 men will pound you into the ground!"

All this was said in a nasally shout with a tone that all but screamed 'liar'.

"Does he really think we're that stupid?" Nami asked her associates.

Luffy took a deep breath. "I don't know who taught you how to count, honey, but you only have three men with you. And I use the term loosely."

"AH! WE'RE DISCOVERED!" Out of the bush appeared three small boys, their heads bearing odd resemblances to vegetables. They vanished down the road faster than spooked ostriches. The boy named Usopp watched them go in panic, before turning to face the three like he might be sick. "Shit, I'm on my own!"

Nami bent down to pick up one of the projectiles that had nearly hit them. "I thought it was a bullet, but it's actually a pachinko. Who uses a kid's toy as a weapon?"

"Shut up!" Usopp shouted, pulling out a green slingshot and lining up a pachinko at Luffy's head. "Alright! I'll admit I lied about the men and the conquering thing! But this is still my village. I won't allow a bunch of pirates to come in and ruin this island's peaceful ways! As you noticed earlier, my skill with the pachinko is even better than a pistol! If you try to fight, I won't back down. Y-you might ask, 'how can he be so resolute?' It's because I am full of a pride that won't b-back down. That's why people here call me Usopp the Proud!" He was very obviously shaking like a leaf, fighting the urge to run.

Luffy straightened his hat. His face was curiously blank. "You should only draw your weapon if you are prepared to use it. You should not be surprised if your enemy responds in kind." Then Luffy disappeared. Nami and Usopp's eyes widened as Zoro's eyes tracked invisible movements. The straw hat bearer reappeared right in front of Usopp, whose eyes almost popped out of his skull. Luffy looked up and stared straight into a familiar stranger's eyes. "Are you prepared?" Luffy asked.

Usopp felt his heart stop. Looking down, he hadn't gotten a good look at the guy in the vest, whose hat had blocked his face. But now, he had a clear view. And what a view it was. He made Kaya, the prettiest girl Usopp knew, look like the ugly stepsister. The long-nosed boy barely registered the pirate's physical features, other than to note they were stunning. His beauty went deeper than just the skin. Unyielding strength, flowing grace, light playfulness, an unbreakable will, and beneath it all a sensuous, indulgent hunger. These were what Usopp saw, and the external perfection was merely a mold for that majestic spirit. What little strength of will Usopp had vanished as he looked into the face of his enemy. He was a cardboard box against a palace. He hadn't a prayer.

Usopp dropped the slingshot and fell to his knees before Luffy. "Who am I kidding? Against a man like you, I'll never be prepared. I'm just a hopeless coward. If real pirates are men like you, then I don't deserve to call myself one."

Luffy's blank mask melted into concern. "Hey now, don't start beating up on yourself like that. I was just paraphrasing something a friend said. I wasn't trying to break your will or anything."

"It isn't that hard to do. Well, go on then. Kill me and be done with it."

Luffy sighed. "Honestly, I was just trying to have a little joke. You really need to work on that self-esteem of yours, honey. One little bit of posturing and you've lost all faith in yourself. Lighten up!"

Usopp looked up at the living embodiment of everything he'd always wanted to be but was sure he'd never have. "Easy for you to say. You don't know what it is to know you're pathetic."

"Maybe not, but I do know that nothing gets you nothing. If you don't like being a coward, work on being brave. Now can we please stop with this depressing conversation and skip to the part where you treat us to lunch and I tell you stories about your dad?"

"M-m-m-my dad?!" Usopp was so shocked that he slipped and fell off the rock and plummeted towards the beach. He was halfway through a decent scream when the mystery superman caught him bridal style. He blinked and looked into the exasperated smile of his savior. Parts of his insides writhed with mortification while other parts writhed with something quite different as he felt the play of muscles holding him up.

Luffy breathed deep and took a tiny taste of Usopp's aura. 'Gunpowder, fish, green apple candy. Pure, untainted, innocent. Doesn't know his own strength. Creative as all get out. Bi. Total sub. Could mature quite nicely with some encouragement.'

Unaware he was being assessed like a wine, Usopp hopped out of Luffy's arms and turned to face the source of his latest inferiority complex. "What do you know about my dad?"

"He's Yasopp, right? I met him when I was a kid. The Red-Hair Pirates used my village as a base. He talked about you a lot."

"Red-Hair? Your village? Me?" Usopp felt like he'd stepped into one of his lies. "Who are you?"

The true pirate wrapped an arm around Usopp's shoulders. "Monkey D. Luffy. So how about we discuss it over some food?" As Luffy led a dazed Usopp down the road, he signaled Zoro and Nami to follow.

"Um, what the heck just happened?" Nami asked, watching the walking pair go with zero understanding as to anything that had occurred in the past ten minutes.

Zoro grinned secretively. "Luffy's started the recruitment process. This should be interesting to watch."

The four ended up in a small restaurant in a quaint, pastoral village that looked like it was simply too boring for anything bad to happen. The owner was reading a newspaper while sitting in a rocking chair. The clock was broken. Nami was pretty sure she had caught sight of a napping sheep on the way through town. It was just that fucking calm and peaceful. A hearty lunch was steadily getting demolished by Zoro and Luffy as Nami ate sedately while Usopp hung on the stories of the father he could barely remember that poured from Luffy's lips. And if he was having certain thoughts about those lips and getting a fuzzy feeling at the constant smile sent his way, than so much the better.

"Your dad was an awesome marksman. He could shoot the wings off a fly from across town! And he was always going on about the son he loved that he could never see again. He made it sound so tragic, how the lure of piracy had kept him from home. You could tell he loved it though. But he really did miss you. I heard so much about you my ears almost fell off!"

Usopp sighed dreamily. "I'm so proud of my dad! Leaving behind his life to brave the world. Pirates are the great warriors of the sea, don't you think?"

Nami raised an eyebrow. "So these Red-Hair Pirates are fakes and that's where you got your twisted ideas from?"

"You take that back!" Usopp shouted, spittle flying as he got right in Nami's face.

"Down, boy," Luffy crooned, pulling Usopp back by his shoulders. He started to massage as he leaned close to whisper audibly in Usopp's ear. "Nami here is of the opinion that 'real' pirates are those disgusting curs that ruin lives and all us nostalgic dreamers are using the wrong word. I've tried to tell her it's the other way around, but she just doesn't seem to get it. But we know that piracy is about adventure and romance, don't we Usopp?"

The captain of the Usopp Pirates made an odd sound halfway between 'uh-huh' and a moan. All tension seemed to have vanished from his body beneath Luffy's soothing rubs. He leaned into Luffy quite obviously. The general impression was of a purring kitten. Nami watched Luffy work his magic with bewilderment, almost feeling like she was spying on an intimate moment. Zoro eyed the liar up and down and gave Luffy a subtle thumbs-up. The straw hat teen grinned like he'd been given a real treat.

"Say, Usopp-kun, could you help us with something?" Luffy asked as he ceased his ministrations and grabbed one of Usopp's hands with both of his.

"Huh? What?" the liar asked dazedly. His entire face was tinged pink.

"See, we don't have a pirate ship yet. And we're not really pirates until we have a lovely ship to sail the seas with, are we? Could you help us? Do you know anyone we could talk to about buying a ship or having one built? I'd really appreciate it." Luffy grinned and kissed the hand he held with a gentle grip.

Usopp shivered visibly, but then seemed to gather his wits. He made no move to take back his hand though. "Well, this village is pretty small. We don't have a shipyard or anything. But I'm friends with the heiress in that mansion up the hill. If we ask her and she likes you, she could get you a ship real fast."

Luffy squealed and hugged Usopp tight. "Thank you! That would be awesome!" The Sexyman sniffed and caught the unmistakable strengthening of scent that indicated lust. He also heard Usopp babbling nonsense as he tried to answer through Luffy's hair. The long-nosed boy was really just too cute. Luffy just wanted to gobble him up like a sweet.

Zoro watched with amusement as Usopp led them out of the restaurant and towards the mansion. The soon-to-be-pirate marksman still hadn't let go of Luffy's hand. Zoro had no doubt in his mind that Usopp would be sailing away with them. It was obvious that Luffy already had him wrapped around a finger. Zoro took a second to wonder why on earth he wasn't feeling jealous. He put it down to the Bond. Because even though he could see the obvious affection and light in Luffy's eyes as he looked at the imaginative teen, Zoro could still feel the strength and pull of Luffy's claim to him in his thoughts.

On the way towards the mansion, they ran into the small three boys from earlier. Once they'd finished freaking out thinking that Luffy had taken their captain prisoner (they were actually half right), they had introduced themselves as Pepper, Carrot, and Onion. Nami felt deepest pity for them for having such unimaginative parents. They had proceeded to try and talk up their captain to the visiting pirates.

"The heiress used to be really sick and sad. After her parents died, all the strength seemed to just drain out of her!"

"But then the captain showed up and started to cheer her up with his lies! She laughs at all his outrageous stories! Now she's much, much better!"

"Captain Usopp just wants to liven things up in the village! He runs through the village every morning screaming about pirates invading so people will get up and chase him!"

"I like the way the Captain keeps meddling in other people's business!" Carrot proclaimed.

"I like the way he overreacts to everything," Pepper confessed.

"I like the way he lies!" Onion yelled.

'Those aren't really things to be proud of,' Nami thought to herself.

They arrived at the mansion, where an impressive gate was flanked by wall-high hedges and two no-nonsense guards. Usopp turned to face the group. "Be quiet. The staff doesn't exactly know that I come here often. There's a secret entrance around the corn-"

"No need, Usopp-kun." Luffy interrupted. He walked right up to the two guards, who regarded him with professional distain. They took their jobs too seriously to cave to a pretty face. Luffy raised an eyebrow before bending forward at the waist and cocking his hips just so. "Tantalize," Luffy whispered, capitalizing on the guards surprise by augmenting his Aura and aiming it right at them. Hearts replaced their eyes, and then they noticed each other. They immediately broke into a fist fight, which carried them around the corner. Luffy then crouched and jumped clear over the gate. He opened it and told his stunned audience "Come in."

"Awesome!" the kids shouted.

"How did you do that? The guards went crazy and then you jumped so high!" Usopp's eyes looked in danger of falling out of his head.

Luffy shrugged. "A Devil's Fruit and an active lifestyle."

"A Devil's Fruit? They're real?"

Nami rolled her eyes. "Please tell me I wasn't this annoying yesterday."

"Twice as annoying," Zoro answered with no hesitation. He got punched in the head for his troubles. She didn't look like much, but Nami had a hell of a right hook.

Luffy sighed. "Look, we're here to ask your friend for a ship. So let's keep the questions for later, okay? Besides, I have a rule that I only explain my powers to my nakama." 'That I made two seconds ago.'

With the look of a man who only accepts what he sees because he expects to wake up, Usopp led them to the left of the grounds, where a respectable tree had a branch right in front of a window where the silhouette of a young woman could be seen. With all the confidence of a squirrel, Usopp scaled the tree and knocked on the windows. They opened almost immediately, revealing a lovely girl with blonde hair and a very pale complexion dressed in a simple shift. There were bags beneath her dark eyes, hinting at her sickliness, but in all other respects she seemed the picture of health. It might have had to do with how her whole face lit up when she saw who had called on her. Luffy felt a twinge of unease, not wanting to break any hearts if he stole Usopp away, but relaxed when his nose detected only sisterly affection.

"Usopp-kun!" she cheered, her voice light and airy, almost insubstantial. "What story are you going to tell me today?" She leaned forward on her elbows, as eager as a child at bedtime.

Usopp scratched the back of his head, a broad smile forcing his eyes closed. "Hmm, what'll it be today? Well… there was the time I battled a giant gold fish when I was 5 years old. He was gigantic! An aquarium the size of this mansion wouldn't fit one of his fins! At first, I actually docked at his droppings, thinking they were land! But no, his poop was really just that huge! Then I swam out to him and climbed all the way to his back. Boy, was that exhausting! It was like scaling a mountain. But I'd traveled so far that I lost view of my ship! I tried to light a fire to signal my crew, but the goldfish thought I was trying to cook him! He really didn't like that…"

The heiress was in danger of dying from laughter. Usopp really was an excellent storyteller, changing his tone and volume to match the situation, making silly faces and gestures to express certain actions. Luffy got a dreamy grin as he imagined Usopp entertaining the entire crew on starry nights out at sea. It was in that moment that he fell, warmth and light and a magnetic pull towards Usopp settling in his heart. The marksman was adorable, in clear need of love and attention, and had the spirit of a true pirate beneath the feeble exterior. Luffy was going to make him his nakama and he wasn't going to take no for an answer.

Usopp seemed to sense Luffy's eyes on him. He glanced down at the end of his tall tale and noticed the intense, near possessive gaze in the beautiful pirate's eyes. Feeling faint, Usopp reminded himself of the real reason for this visit. "Anyway, Kaya, I brought some people with me today. They want to ask you something."

Kaya looked down, only seeming to notice the other trespassers on her estate at that moment. Her gaze shifted from Usopp's cute little underlings to a smiling woman to a stoic swordsman to the grinning visage of a cherub that had clearly grown up very nicely. She silently marveled at the sheer perfection of the androgynous man, before the manners she'd been raised with from birth kicked in. "Good day, sirs and lady. How may I help you?"

A voice of golden bells and chimes answered. "Kaya-ojousama, we are humble sailors who find ourselves without a worthy vessel. We would be eternally grateful if you would be so kind as to provide us with a ship for our travels. Should our ventures prove successful, we would be more than happy to compensate you for your generosity in due time. Please help us in our hour of need." The man with the straw hat bowed low, unaware or uncaring of the incredulous expression the redheaded woman was giving him.

Usopp stage-whispered then. "They're good people, Kaya. Please, please, please be nice."

Kaya took a second to consider the sudden proposal. She sensed nothing but honest need from the very polite visitor, and he had Usopp's backing. Besides, the accounts were so self-sustaining that she had more money than she could possibly spend in one lifetime. This seemed like a worthy enough cause to invest in. She was just about to voice her approval when a harsh voice shouted "Hold there!"

The group turned to face an approaching butler. He had greasy black hair slicked back, glasses, and a stern expression. He wore an immaculate suit with gold tassels to show his higher status in the household and wore shoes composed of diagonal stripes of steel-grey and black. Luffy took one whiff and put up his guard. While lacking the miasmic stink of a rapist, the man's aura was filled with an ice that brought to mind morgues and operating rooms, places of cold, sterile death and blood.

The man quite patronizingly and dismissively ordered them to leave, as if they were rabbits invading the carrot patch. Upon spying Usopp, a ugly glint entered his eyes. The butler, revealed by Kaya's protests as Klahadore, proceeded to provoke Usopp by insinuating he was scheming to steal Kaya's money and mocking his pirate heritage until the marksman snapped and socked the man in the mouth. The butler made cried out at how barbaric Usopp was, as if he were trying to convince Kaya that he was bad company. Usopp silenced him with a shout, proclaiming to the heavens his pride in being the son of a pirate.

Klahadore responded with more insults, almost driving Usopp to punch him again. He froze as Kaya spoke up, standing up for Klahadore, saying he only wanted to keep her safe. At this perceived betrayal by his friend, the fight seemed to drain out of Usopp. He left with little fuss, stating he would never come back. He failed to see the pained expression on Kaya's face as she watched him go. The little kids cursed out Klahadore before running for the hills. Luffy gave the butler a glare, which was loftily ignored as the pirates followed in Usopp's tracks.

"What a self-righteous prick!" Nami huffed.

"I didn't get a very good vibe off that guy," Zoro mused.

"Of course not. He's a sociopath. Probably a murderer." Luffy paid no attention to the looks of disbelief his companions sent him. "I don't want to think about what he has planned for that sweet girl. I half wish he'll do it while we're here though; I'd love an excuse to kick his ass. No one talks to my nakama like that."

"And where did you get that?" Nami asked, only to roll her eyes when Luffy tapped his nose. He'd told her he could smell people's auras, she just hadn't imagined he could get so much information out of it.

"So Usopp's our nakama, huh?" Zoro asked, a wicked grin on his face.

"Well, there're a few minor details to work out, but it's a done deal. It would be a nice way to christen the ship, wouldn't it?" The two lovers exchanged very naughty looks.

Trying very hard not to read to deeply into that, Nami spoke up. "Have you even asked him yet?"

"What's your point?"

They came across the three vegetables, who were muttering about the butler. Luffy asked where Usopp would run to when he was upset, and left the other two to have a one-on-one with his newest love.

Luffy found Usopp laying in the shade of a tree by the cliff, his legs hanging over the side. The captain silently took a seat beside him. They sat there in silence for a few moments, letting the sweet music of the surf fill their ears. Finally, Usopp spoke up. "I always dreamed that one day I would join my dad as a pirate. I'd set sail and see what this world had for me. But it was all just more of my lies. I'm too weak and scared to ever face any of the challenges of piracy. And I have too much to lose here; there's Kaya and Pepper, Carrot, and Onion." Usopp turned to face Luffy. "How do people do it? How do people leave behind everything for a future they can't ever be certain of?"

Luffy grinned and cupped Usopp's face. The liar shivered at the touch. "You know what makes a pirate a pirate? It's not the ship or the bounty or the treasure. It's conviction. It's the ability to devote your life to the pursuit of your deepest desire. And nothing, not Marines or storms or disease or death itself, can keep you from trying. We tame the seas because we're too damn stubborn to quit. If you fly a Jolly Roger, it's a pledge to never back down. You might falter, you may trip, you may even fall, but a true pirate will NEVER turn back."

Luffy leaned in, and Usopp unconsciously did the same. "And you know what makes it all worth it, when it's dark and cold and it all seems hopeless? Your nakama. The people that will support you through it all because you'll do the same for them. A pirate can do the impossible because his crew is there beside him to share the load. Your nakama drive you, make you more than just yourself. Because it's pointless to have everything in the world if there's no one to share it with." Luffy crossed that tantalizing last inch and whispered against Usopp's lips "I want you to be my nakama, Usopp-kun." Then he kissed him.

Usopp enjoyed a blazing, soaring bliss for two seconds of relativistic time. Then Luffy jerked back, his nose wrinkled. For an instant Usopp feared he'd done something wrong, then Luffy pulled them back from the edge and peeked over. Usopp, puzzled by the odd behavior (and still fried from the drug that was Luffy's touch), looked over the edge as well and became convinced that this day really was all a fantastic delusion.

Klahadore was walking at the foot of the cliff, even though he'd barely set foot outside the mansion since Kaya's illness. Following him was a weirdo in a blue overcoat with odd rings, hat, and heart-shaped sunglasses. The weirdo seemed to be walking backwards in a move that defied all logic. Then the butler turned and spoke in harsh tones that made his prickliness from earlier seem like the picture of courtesy. "Django, I tell you not to make a spectacle of yourself and I catch you sleeping in the middle of the road. I don't have the patience for your theatrics."

"Calm down, cool cat. I was just showing off my skills to some kids. And I ain't weird."

Klahadore rolled his eyes. "Whatever. Is everything in place?"

Django seemed to gulp in nervousness. He spoke confidently though. "Yep. Your plan to have us kill the heiress so you inherit her fortune is a done deal."

Usopp was pretty sure his heart just stopped.

The butler scoffed. "You idiot. She has to die in an 'accident', you understand? And her money would never go automatically to me. That's why I need you to hypnotize her to write a will leaving her estate to her dear butler Klahadore for his years of service. Got it?" An ugly grin crossed Klahadore's face.

Django shook his head. "You've been pretending to be the loyal butler for three years now. You've managed to gain everyone's trust, even after the girl's parents 'mysteriously' died. You're a great actor, Captain Kuro."

Usopp opened his mouth to shout only to have Luffy's hand cover it. The sexy pirate knew that they had to keep quiet or they'd lose the element of surprise in trying to stop this evil plot. His brain wasn't made of rubber or anything.

'Kuro' glared at Django. "Her parent's deaths were not my doing. It was unexpected. And I told you that I don't go by that name anymore."

"Whatever. It's just as well that this happens tomorrow. The boys have been anchored for a week now. They're starting to get restless. Raiding the village is sure to deal with their energy." Django laughed at his little 'joke', while Kuro/Klahadore just grinned cruelly. In short order, the two departed, leaving no evidence that either had been their discussing treachery. Only then did Luffy let go of Usopp. The long-nosed teen looked like his world was falling apart.

"Was all that real?"

Luffy got a sad grin. "While I'm pleased you enjoyed the kiss so much you thought you were dreaming, I'm afraid it was."

Usopp didn't even touch what had just happened between them. "I can't believe it. I knew Klahadore was a bit of a bastard, but to think he was Captain Kuro in disguise! Kuro of a Hundred Plans, the notorious captain of the Black Cat Pirates! I thought he was executed three years ago. But instead he was hiding out here all this time! And now he wants to hurt Kaya!"

Luffy frowned. "He's definitely Nami's idea of a pirate. No real pirate could ever retire like he did. Guess he couldn't take life on the sea. He's really rather pathetic."

"Never mind that!" Usopp jumped to his feet. "W-w-we have to do something! We got to warn everybody! We can't let this happen!" Usopp had already started to dash away before Luffy got a hold of him.

"Whoa, honey. Take a second to think. How often do you run through the village screaming that pirates are coming?"

"Almost every day. What's that got to do with anything?"

"So what makes this time any different?"

Usopp gaped. "It's different this time because it's true! Pirates really are going to come tomorrow!"

"They. Don't. Know. That." Luffy tried to impress the reality of the situation through Usopp's hysterics. "They have no reason to believe you any more than they did this morning. What's more, this time you're going to try and tell them how Klahadore, the venerable, trustworthy, model citizen is actually a pirate plotting to assassinate the girl he's loyally served for three years. No one in their right mind is going to believe a word you say."

Tears started to fill Usopp's eyes. "So what am I supposed to do? I can't just let this HAPPEN!"

"You won't." Luffy gripped Usopp by the shoulders, looking him right in the eye. "Zoro and Nami and I will stop them. I don't like how these pirates operate, so I'm going to bring them down." Luffy grinned and kissed the tip of Usopp's protruding nose. "And if you're half the man I know you are, you'll be there with us. Something inside of you won't let you just run away and hide. You'll stand there, at our side, doing the right thing."

Usopp was scared. He was also shaking, worried, and fighting the urge to cower behind a rock. But he also knew that he would try and stop those pirates if it was the last thing he did. And he felt a spark of hope as bright as the light in Luffy's eyes "Um, about that, uh, proposal earlier…"

Luffy smiled like the sun and put a finger to Usopp's lips. "You've already answered. I can see it in your eyes." Then he kissed Usopp again, this time without any evil butlers interrupting. And Usopp knew that if he survived the next day, he would follow this man to the ends of the earth.

XXXXXXXXXXX

Luffy and Usopp walked back towards where they'd each left their crews. They found Nami with a bored expression while Zoro and the vegetables all napped. Usopp woke the latter with a shout of "Usopp Pirates, report!" In an instant, the three hopped up, fully awake, and began to shout at the top of their lungs.

"Captain Usopp! We spotted a really weird guy coming through town! He wore some tacky clothes and was walking backwards!"

"He stopped and told us that he was just a passing hypnotist. We asked him to show us something and he said that he didn't have the time, but he did it anyway!"

"He waved this really sharp ring back and forth and said we would fall asleep when we heard the word 'Django'. I heard him count to two and then the next thing we heard was your voice, so it must have worked!"

"He knocked himself out too. What kind of hypnotist gets affected by his own tricks?" Nami asked with a huff. Luffy filed away that important tidbit for later.

"Anything happen on your end, captain?" asked Carrot, who was the most outgoing of the three.

Usopp gulped and started to sweat. He masterfully covered it with a broad grin and wiped away the incriminating drops with casual movements. "Oh my, do I have something for you! You know that mean butler? I saw him having a secret meeting out by the cliffs! He's really a pirate who faked his own death and has spent three years hiding out here. But now that everyone trusts him, he's ordered his old crew to attack the town and kill Kaya so he can inherit her wealth! Isn't it horrible?"

The children gaped and started to panic, shouting about how terrible it was and how they needed to warn everyone. Just as they were going to run off, Usopp started to laugh. "Hahaha! You should have seen your faces! I just made that up to mess with you! Like pirates are really going to invade." Zoro cracked open an eye, the slight edge in Usopp's voice tipping him off that something was wrong. He shifted his gaze to Luffy, who gave the smallest of nods.

The children all but collapsed in relief. "Don't scare us like that, captain! You really had us going there."

Usopp shrugged. "Well, it's been a long day. Why don't you all go home and get some dinner. I expect you to report tomorrow at the crack of noon! Usopp Pirates, dismissed!" With his cry, the kids eagerly took off, their heads full of thoughts of a hot meal and not the dread that no amount of Luffy's reassurance could shake from Usopp.

"Well, that does it. I told them that pirates would invade tomorrow. But I'm a liar. So it's my duty to make sure that what I told them won't be the truth. Those pirates aren't going to set one foot in my village!"

Nami straightened. "Wait a minute. You mean that's true? The butler really is in disguise and his crew's going to attack tomorrow?"

"Yep. And we're going to help Usopp stop them." Luffy spoke of the impending pirate horde like a simple chore, like taking out the garbage. To a man of his skills, that wasn't an unapt metaphor.

Nami eyed the man she'd seen move faster than the eye could catch and throw objects as far as the horizon. "Let's get one thing clear: all of their treasures are mine."

"Yeah, yeah, you greedy shrew," Zoro muttered under his breath. "That wound from Buggy's finally closed. Time to see what I can do at full strength now."

"You really don't have to do this." Usopp briefly wondered where the hell those words came from; he needed all the help he could get if he wanted half a prayer to survive. But apparently some stranger had hijacked his lips, because more words completely at odds with his cowardly nature spilled out. "This is my village, so it's my problem. I don't want you to risk your lives for something you have no stake in."

Luffy grabbed Usopp's hand and held it in front of him, like they were making a pact. "You're my nakama, so it is my problem. And Zoro's my nakama, so it's his problem too. And Nami's more than willing to help us with the solution. You don't have to do this alone, honey."

Usopp felt something in his throat. He swallowed it down with difficulty. "I get to be the Captain," he stated, all seriousness.

Luffy rolled his eyes and suckled one of Usopp's fingers into his mouth. The liar almost collapsed. "Come now, Usopp-kun. You know I should get to be the Captain."

**A/N: I was half-tempted to just BS all the fighting and get straight to the smex and fit the whole arc in one chapter, but then I asked myself if I would want to read something like that. So I'll end here. I hope that my overcomplicated prose and superlative imagery make up for a lack of lemons. Promise things will heat up progressively as more people join the crew. Till next time!**


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